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| i want to ride my bicycle ...i want to ride my bike |
| 11.01.04 (9:18 am) [edit] |
I havent been riding the bicycle after the minor crash that I had months ago.
well it was really a minor crash. I was on some high speed, making some U-turn, there was not much space and I lost my control and went straight to the drain area. The front wheel was already ontop of the drain surface and luckily I could stop the bicycle by holding something...what was it?
yea...the board that tells the street name.
and last saturday...I got to cycle back and hell that was such a wonderful feeling. I felt the freedomity of going far with the bicycle...haha :D
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| great site |
| 10.30.04 (7:29 pm) [edit] |
Anybody who is interested in photography?
and would I like to post their pictures online for featured and comments...you can go to this site to checkout :
http://www.trekearth.com" title="http://www.trekearth.com" target="_blank"http://www.trekearth.com
http://www.treklens.com" title="http://www.treklens.com" target="_blank"http://www.treklens.com
Have a nice weekend and Happy Halloween!
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| On sleepy mode |
| 10.28.04 (10:26 pm) [edit] |
What do you normally do when you feel sleepy?
-simple answer...just go straight to bed
Have you been really sitting still and fight for the sleepiness to go off?
or holding it back?
If Im sleepy and in the middle of something...my work will be halted and then just swirling or maybe blank for some point, playing with my fingers..nailbitting maybe
and everything is just move so slow.
Loud doesnt help at all...sometimes can find it irritating in that state.
worst of all...I was writing something, my head was dropping left/right/front/back, hand copied some notes and when I got my full alert, checked what I had wrote ..oh ..I did not even understand a single thing..it was messed.
:)
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| read my mind? |
| 10.28.04 (12:23 pm) [edit] |
[b]what's good of being letting people guessing of what you are thinking?[/b]
basically, trying to read what am i thinking?
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| Lonesome |
| 10.26.04 (10:49 pm) [edit] |
now...the question is [b]what's wrong being a loner, lone-ranger, lonesome and anything that has to do by ownself?[/b]
Whether in the situation like eating alone, shopping alone, stayin alone, being alone the whole day, sittin alone, standing alone and etc
I found myself alone most of the time....either I ditch my friends or they ditch me. I usually feel glad when they ditch me. I laugh about it. It gives me more time for myself, doing the things I like without any disturbance rather than having some awful perception on me or what am i doing.
I can be alone for the whole day, doing my stuff, not feeling bored, talking to myself tough the whole day which doesnt sound weird at all....just get crazy!
[b]Does a loner associate with anti-social?[/b]
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| Anti-social? |
| 10.26.04 (1:41 pm) [edit] |
Im feeling awfully sleepy at work right now after days or weeks of stopping swirling a lot.
I have told myself not to write anything on working stuff but I have too...this word 'Anti-social' just cant get out of my head that I need to write something about it.
I dont know..but I know whatever I do, there is a reason behind it or maybe why I have been that way.
Im dead stubborn...cant get me change it when I have stick to it like glue. :P
So..what is anti-social define?
ahh...cant get on writing more...ulcer on my tongue hurts a lot and my gum, teeth growing though
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| Walking Talking Human Dictionary |
| 10.25.04 (5:50 pm) [edit] |
'Im a flying talking donkey...' taken from The Shrek
'Im a walking talking human dictionary...'
Are you one of those?
where I believe If I could place a chair and a table in a supermarket or school compound with a tag display 'INFORMATION COUNTER SERVICES' and charge a reasonable fee each question...I'll be tons of money.
Well..I have been doing it not on purpose but happen to be because of the appearance which they think im a smartass, im a god, i know everything and anything...duh! Im trying to dodge myself behind, putting myself in a place where Im a blur kid, i dont know anything and everything...im just sucks...but they dont believe it and thought Im pretencious about it that Im dumb....oh yea! of course why would I be showing off If I am a smartass and am one?...I would rather have the look of...dont know anything.
So what is human dictionary job all about?
- answering questions that you may not even have a clue or right or wrong but they take it as well.
- feedback or comment on anything and everything
eg: on fashion, food and etc
- words that can find in the dictionary but they just lazy to find in it
- homeworks and assignments
- jargon terms- IT, business and etc
- daily problem solving
- how to use internet
- how to do searching using google
- which books should borrow
- exams
- pc support
- filling up forms
- escorts, bodyguard
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| Weird, Strange, Wacko, Freak... |
| 10.25.04 (4:02 am) [edit] |
Strange, weird...what is the difference? and which term do you normally use?..or other terms like wacko, freak
People always say that they are weird. How weird can they be?
It is nothing wrong to be weird. Or maybe there shouldnt be any context on weird. No one acts, behave the same. They just want to be who they are..and not being afraid or shame about it being themselves in the public, among in the societies and fitting in.
I, myself thought Im weird too. I, probably discovered when I was 12 and it was getting huge each year passed by. I was afraid to ask some questions to my friend or maybe weird questions. They probably would not understand or never going to understand. They might be thinking that I have problem with my brain. I have one friend who thinks that I have a brain tumor...duh! But If I wasnt being weird or maybe I like the way it should be, I probably will not be the same person or where am I right now...:)
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| Who do you want to meet? |
| 10.25.04 (2:47 am) [edit] |
Anybody here is a psychiatrist or psychologist?
Are both profession works the same?
no idea...i do know they work closely with human behaviours.
I wanted to be one...getting to know what the other person has in his/her mind, maybe putting myself in ones place and could see how different is human react, behave or think and making it believe how unique is this creature. It is a very interesting thing about his form of life.
Before being one or never probably could be one...I have always wanted to meet one. I have ask my friend where could i meet one...simple in the hospital
No, i just dont want that kind. They keep wondering why am I so eager to meet one. They think only pyschos that need that. it is pretty clear for them to notice from the outer side that i dont need them. They have one line for me...'You're just fine and not a psycho'...hmm..but I like to think that I am one...:D
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| Holidaying |
| 10.24.04 (10:31 pm) [edit] |
I always thinking about holiday or where should i be when the year end comes...people say it is still early to think about it. hmm...but then this little mind is always reserve for some vacation
I have still in mind going on cruise and yet impossible to achieve...best way by imagination.
Speaking of imagination..hmm...
After all this weeks of funkie junkie and all oohh, noo, shit...I have in mind of taking the next flight to Bora-Bora....ermmm..cant remember where bora-bora located. it is somewhere in the part of the world. Anyway, it doesnt matter where it would be as long as i have my own peace of mind vacation on a deserted island where i could be away from anyone and everyone and everything...just me in this strangeland with strange people
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| HOME ALONE! |
| 10.24.04 (10:18 pm) [edit] |
Fav all time movies, never get bored watching it over and over again...what else could it be?
yea...that movie..HOME ALONE!
this star movies channel that i have here always aired this movie can be say all time fav christmas movie on summertime and now playing on Star Movies...HOME ALONE 2 : LOST IN NEW YORK!
Best ..yea! ;)
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| Goodnight |
| 10.24.04 (3:15 am) [edit] |
Quiet time of the evening
Street lights flashing like a star
Wind of the nights
Blowing in from the balcony
Smell of gladness
Look above the sky
millions of dots send signals
Hop of joy
when a shooting star pass by
Smell of happiness
Goodnight :)!
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| keepin' track of what day...haha |
| 10.24.04 (3:03 am) [edit] |
Today is Saturday
Hari ini hari Sabtu
kyo wa do yobi desu
Tomorrow is Sunday
Esok hari Ahad
Ashita wa do-ichi yobi desu
:)
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| Rain, rain, rain |
| 10.22.04 (8:08 pm) [edit] |
It is raining heavily here...I love rain..
Anyone here love rain too?
A lot of things cant be done when raining time or the season...but then all you need to do is dive with it...
I mean play in the rain...wohoo!
how long have you not playing in the rain?
or
Are you afraid of getting wet?
I remembered back then when me and my friends were lining up horizontally along the road, walking like the one who owns the road, kicking the water as we marched forward, all wet and cold.
and the best thing was the next day we had some midterm test and we were playing like a kid....haha :D where other people sitting at home, studying like hell for the paper..
chill up!
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| Menu for today! |
| 10.22.04 (6:12 pm) [edit] |
This week special ingredient : mushrooms
Today menu's : chessy tomato omellete with dried mushrooms and mint leaves
I have passion for foood!
I dont really cook but I love them
If I have great resources, I would like to create new recipes.
I always come up with some kind of food name..like the one above.
I havent been able to create the coffee that I Had created the name...'Mocha Choco Latte'
I was thinking to buy a mocha, a latte and hot chocolate and then mix them all...tada! You got 'Mocha Choco Latte'...
Food for me...is an art! It is a creative work. You need to know how to mix them to taste good like paintings that need a well mixture of colors...So I hate people condenming my food even if it looks bad.
:D
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| another tv show |
| 10.22.04 (5:42 pm) [edit] |
since I have some little inside on working life...and not forgetting to mention that this is my very first work
and before this I was talking about having my own tv show....I have another idea...ahaha
We, people could try some different jobs throughout our lives. I have tried working in the office as a programmer...so I was thinking about this show..it will be some reality jobs show.
I would like to try maybe working in a restaurant for a week without any experiences that I have, get complaints from the customer, get fired from the boss and work out from all these mistakes....that would be fun....and then another week, I would be working along side with some lawyers...huh! Dont you think it is great?
Oh am I losing my mind?...hahah :D
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| My Show |
| 10.21.04 (9:53 pm) [edit] |
Anyone here wants to have their own TV show?
yea...I want
I like to watch Oprah Winfrey show especially when she is giving out free gifts for the audiences, some food galore and decors...brilliant show! I just hope that I could be one of her audience in her show...;)
But then If I were to have my own show..hmm...I would like to do some bubbling show. Well it is not to show the stupidity of human being but people being careless, make mistakes and fix it.
I have some ideas of my own show...hmm...want to have a travel show. Have you seen Ian Wright or Megan McCormick show? yea....something like that but some differences....I want viewer to make choices of the places...any places..be in somehow deep corner of the earth or some places that we never heard before .... me and my partner would go and hunt the place without any knowledge of the places...only equip with useless map, sufficient money and some ancient dictionary...hah! it would be fun if we aboard the wrong train and laugh about it.
haha...:D
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| Sunrise |
| 10.21.04 (5:21 pm) [edit] |
Night diminishing
Day approaching
Birds chirping
Sea is calm
Aroma fulfilling
Outstrecthing at the balcony
Water flowing
Bread toasted
Clean look
Have a sip
and Let's start the day...:D
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| Goodnight! |
| 10.21.04 (5:15 am) [edit] |
midnight comes
shadow falls
wind blows
smell of the night!
close my eyes
music in my mind
light and easy
dreaming in sea!
Goodnight :)
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| Boring blog...again haha! |
| 10.21.04 (4:44 am) [edit] |
let's forget something that is so not right at the moment....it seems that i have been writing a lot on my rehab thingy and some dull, unpleasant moment of working world...
yea...i can switch it off just like that.
i believe what we have seen and feel about certain things are keep in some part of the mind.
it depends whether do you want to think about it? or recall it...or ejected in and play.
oh...is it sounds more depressing?
well...let's write a boring blog again...
well..i got home with a stomach pain..must be the bread I ate on the way back home.
after dinner, watched some children's programmes and it was damn entertaining...teletubbies was my once upon a time fav show..i think when i was like 17..haha
had my shower...stomach still in pain.
had some hot chinese tea and then came online, trying to download this songs by Michael Halaas - The Lucidity Project. I like music that it is reflecting some inspiration on some piano accordian
had some smell of people cooking at midnight, stomach still in pain.
and now i think im ready to sleep...:)
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| midnite cooking |
| 10.21.04 (4:09 am) [edit] |
It is already midnight here and who the hell is cooking at the moment?...it smells so good...is there anyone trying to lure me into some traps? hmm...cant! im having some stomach disorder at the moment.
Oh yeah...maybe the cooking is from one of the muslim's house...cook first before bed and then it is much more easier of getting ready to fast around at 6am
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| What have I learn? hmm... |
| 10.20.04 (8:55 pm) [edit] |
This is the 8th week working here, I can share some inside on what i have learnt here...hehe
serious side:
basically I did exposed to use the Ms VB.net, Ms SQL Server and getting to know the business and system flow
behind the scenes:
a. Internet Usage
hmm...seriously i did take advantage on the usage of the internet. My home dial-up line is a bit sucks..not a bit, totally sucks because the pc has infected my virus and spywares causing the line unstable and keep disconnecting after 5/10/20 minutes...it is so unpredictable when it will allow me to stay using the line for hours...cant rely on that...always hope
it allows me to do some research on whatever things that i want to search when I cant even focus on my work anymore and not forgetting blogging...
downloading some songs..works fast here with the speed but my USB drive could not cope with more than 3 files...too many junks and important files inside...haha
b. IM
hah..people surprise that I can online while but then the whole department is connected by IM...we even used IM to talk to the person sitting side by side and pretty useful for people who is lazy to walkaround.
c. sleep
the drowsiness that i get really hook me a lot...i started to swirl ( the term that i used for my sleepiness) the minute I on the pc. I found myself sleeping especially during lunch hour but cant really doze off...somehow need to be alert
d. enchance some acting skills
well im not really a person who pour all my heart out working my butt off. sometimes i cant really do my work the whole day, sometimes it is a wrap by 3pm so acting skill is quite useful in this aspect that you have to pretend to look busy, have a look of stress, pressure might help too.
e. working late or going back late
if you can sit in the office for extra hours...it is a bonus!
people would be thinking you are such a hardworking worker but the truth is playing some games behind the cubic while working window still on...who wants to work extra time?
f. music
oh sucks my hard disk doesnt have cd-rom and also soundcard...i need music to stimulate my brain so that i can work. well i did bring along my discman...way cool !
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| Decision Making.. |
| 10.20.04 (8:01 pm) [edit] |
I have been wandering in the darkstorm for quite long now...it is time for me to SHINE!
Im not going to have an impression that I cant cope working life but it is totally a wreck when I do not enjoy my work...how can I be satisfied and happy? Maybe people would say that I still cant adjust to working life...but hey it is not a bad thing after all. It gives me an inside of working world, working in the office, have 9-6 job...what more can I say?
As I an intern in this company..I have given some tasks to do..a real tasks...a lot of people envy me because I have tasks to do...but then Im getting bored doing the same thing since 7 weeks ago. It is a routine
My boss informed me that he is going to assign some new task for me to do...I was delighted, at last I got something else to do and learn but then he totally forgotten about it and I was still stuck with this debugging thing. In one point I was a bit abandon in his eyes, I was invisible but that doesnt bother me much.
He told me on the first day that I entered here that I was going to attend .net training classes but ended up, I was left out. That was some point of pissed off..promises that never kept...he didnt mean it when he said it. He also did lectured about his intention to train me on this and that....but now I dont think I have enough time for that..maybe because I was abandon in the middle part.
So now Im thinking to end this training early either on Nov 5 or Nov 10, supposingly to end on Nov 19...but cant wait for long if im still doing the same thing and although I have been assigned to help this girl with the screen design by next week....I dont think I should stay long...I have given chances or maybe Im here all the while...should notice where am I...
and the question is should just end it early? it is time for me to shine...this training has taken a lot of my time for doing nothing. well not exactly nothing, I did learnt something. I just need some time off to do what I really like to do and something that I have miss out for a long time...
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| 2 octaves down from the middle key C - Part II |
| 10.11.04 (10:06 pm) [edit] |
Everything was so messy when i got up this morning.
I was in anger, pissed, down and all sort.
I think it was about the dream which added more flame in me.
I only had 4 hours sleep and before that I was chatting with this guy. I was feeling much more better towards the end...and it was because of the song by Gavin Degraw.
The dream was weird...I think It was lucid...I could not stop the dream and I was putting all the blame on the guy that i chatted before that. I was swearing.
I guess I had put all my days anger ..everything upon him that I have created a mindset of hatred on him..hehe! It somehow lingered on me...till noon before I was cool down by now...:D
Im Ok now ;)
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| 2 octaves down from the middle key C |
| 10.11.04 (5:13 pm) [edit] |
I was pretty down since last week and still hits me till today. These feeling..it comes and goes but it hits quite badly in the morning.
When I am down....I can pretty quite negative, stuck-up, sarcastic and just dont care how negative I can be...whether in conversation, remarks, act or thinking. But then my negative seduction will only hit to certain people. Why cant I be negative for a moment? I need to let go it off, clear it off the negative sides.
and why is it that im so low key? Im not happy of where I am right now...someone asked me this morning which one do I prefer 'working' or 'study'? I chose 'study'. Of course both of them are different thing. study gives me more flexible time..I can work on my assignment anytime I want and he was mistaken. He thought it might be the allowance they paid me too little..that's why I chose 'study'..huh! Money?! I dont care that money matters at all...I want to be happy of what am i doing not stuck to some work eventhough i dont like it and paid high.
and in some point i was thinking about death...yea, death! Someone was mistaken by me and thought I was joking about it when I was talking about 'my tomorrow's funeral'.
I wasnt thinking about suicide...i was thinking about leaving the world..people might think it is silly..am i trying to runaway from my problems? No i dont think so...im happy of what i have done and achieve until now.
I may be forgotten in 2 years time...I dont mind as long as I have known that I already have this small bunch of people who concern about me...
I am sick of people telling me what should i need to do? or what i want to be?..I dont want to be anything anything thinking of me that i am peace....
I was a bit lost when i was in the bathroom yesterday...i did too much thinking and i got weep and i was laughing why was i weeping?
I was standing there, lost and i dont know what i am searching for..
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| cant cure... |
| 10.11.04 (2:46 pm) [edit] |
6 weeks in rehab for IT disorder...I cant go on anymore.
Face it..I cant cure my IT disorder which now has turned to be IT depression.
Slowly, im diminishing, disappearring, fading off, invisible, abandon, wasted, and then I'll be rotten..for days and days. No one knows...until some unpleasant smell creeps up.
Only then...someone saves me but it will be too late.
They should have let me go earlier or I should have take the steps to go. It is pointless to stay long when I have already know that I cant be cure at all.
I have been fighting for mind challenge all this while and now Im seeking for happiness. I cant stand up if I dont find happiness there or in myself. Im happy for who I am...an IT disorder patient. Happiness is in attitude of mind.
I dont care what people might say about me...having some attitude problems, unwell, weird, sick...Im tired of tryin to fit in...
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| Forgotten Dream |
| 10.08.04 (7:59 pm) [edit] |
The other day when i was watching a japanese drama called 'Otosan' which means 'Father' who has 4 daughters, all 4 of them have their own dreams...
and on the journey I was watching the movie, it realised me that I have forgotten one of my dream....which is to study music in japan and be a piano player.
I had to stop because I was going to sit for a massive examination which could get me into any local varsity or colleges. It supposed to be stop for 3 months but now it is seemed to have abandon for 4 years now. Even though I have the desire to resume back but the timing is not right.
Playing music can be so hard sometimes. It must be feel in the mind, soul and body. If all those elements cant be feel..it will make a horrible sound.
Sometimes I feel that my playing is good but when it comes to professional judgement..'it is a lousy playing for them'. Although ones love playing piano, they need to have talent. If there is no talent...it is hard to carry out a piece. Overall...need a lot of practise...practise makes perfect...
I have almost give up my music lesson when I felt the practising so hard and need longer hours....but it held me back each time I watch some cool music show and listen to the superlicious style of their playing
So in order to realise my dream...I need to start somewhere...maybe going back and getting a Grade 6 cert for me and moves on....
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| Working World! |
| 10.08.04 (5:22 pm) [edit] |
Is it my blog here at the moment will be the best place for me telling about how sucks is working world?
hmm...bad idea....it is an experience.
An experience that everyone should gone through...at least once. From there you will know whether you like the atmosphere whether in an office job, washdisher, serving, behind the counter, physical job....
Now...I officially can say...I have tried office job as a programmer...sitting in front those pc. hmm...I dont really prefer the envrionment and it will remind me that i probably wont be getting or doing that kind of job AGAIN!
Maybe I could try for something else...make coffees perhap!
Of course...cant forget my dreams here and sometimes have it more...as each day inspires me of something...:D
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