THE FOUR AGREEMENTS
A Short Summary

First Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word

This is the most important agreement. Agreements 2, 3 & 4 are offshoots.

Every human is a magician who can put a spell on someone with our word or release someone from a spell. Call a girl ugly and she believes she is ugly and grows up thinking she is ugly. Even if she is beautiful, as long as she has that agreement she will believe that she is ugly.

Impeccable means without sin. A sin is anything that you do which goes against yourself. Being impeccable with your word is not using the word against yourself. If you insult someone, you are really using the word against yourself because you will be hated by that person, which is not good for you. If you love a person, they will love you. If you insult a person, they will insult you. If you use your word to put a spell on someone, they will put a spell on you.

Gossip is the worst black magic. Children hear adults gossiping all the time, giving their opinions about others. Gossiping has become the main form of communication in human society. It has become the way we feel close to each other because it makes us feel better to see someone else suffering like us. We often spread poison towards a loved one to make our opinions right, even though our opinions are not necessarily true. An opinion comes from your beliefs, your ego and your dream.

When you become impeccable with your word, you are no longer susceptible to words that come from black magic. Instead, your mind is fertile for the words that come from love. Remember to use white magic, beginning with yourself. Tell yourself how wonderful you are.

It is the durian season...just cant find a fruitseller who sells banana anymore...haha. Durians, mangosteens and pineapples are available now...haha.

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nilij . nutter - The Art of Looking for Bananas - 20:08

intoxication, dying, suffocated for 2 hours...my nose was numbed.

The lab air condition wasnt really blast but the smell of armpits damn blast. It added more of my head pain due to indegestion of other smells than that.

It is nature but you can prevent the smell...you know what to do

and because of that the wires connected to the chips were all wrong, input the wrong thing, output the wrong thing too.

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nilij.nutter - The Art of Blasting Smell, thats evil! - 13:36

I feel like Im not awake at all. I dont feel the heat that the sun projects even though it is so bright here. Thats totally weird. Feel weird when looking at the sky and clouds today. Blue sky with a pile of clouds that looks like lamb and maybe it is the nicest cloud formation I 'd ever seen. Indeed, I feel so small. Looking at the clouds, feel like there is a big catastrophy going to happen.

Yes, Im damn fucking tired and still breathing and very much alive. I came back during the interval break to have a nap. What was the weirdest thing? I laid down, focusing on breathing and relaxed. Soon, I couldnt feel my breathing...slow and silent and the next thing I knew I slept off, waking up in a different place with what I wore for the nap. I was in a school, in a field where these group of brass band was practising and yelled and whistled when I was walking passed the field with almost nudity. What was I doing there? I didnt know, maybe as an escort or something that I followed the bunch of musician flied to a place for a show.

I woke up and looked at my watch and drifted off again. I saw myself laying on a bed with what I wore for nap again and I was asking some questions about photography to the professional photographer that happened to fly with us to take pictures for the event.

It was time to go back. We were in the airport to catch our fly back. There had a weird kind of departure hall. A small door like in Alice in The Wonderland where I need to squeeze myself in and suck up by a pole or something to get to our plane. Somehow when it came to my turn, the sucking thing didnt work and I was saved by this lady before the small door exploded by itself and shit water all came flowing out and almost flood the area.

I woke up at last...

cheer, applause, cheer, applause....

I did it, I did it

pass, pass, pass

wuhooo, wuhooo! yea!

I like it I like it I like what is happening to me...

Im feeling happy, maybe overjoy, almost tears...

for some people..it just a small thing. But I made, I made the right choice, I took the risk, I fought and even fought the devil little voices in my head...to get back the right strength that I suppose to have

Keep it up girl!

I passed my supplementary paper...wuhoo!

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nilij . nutter - The Art of Beating Fatigue - 9.54pm

How good is it that every morning you get a morning greet from someone you barely know much...I like it, I like the friendliness, sincerity act.

Yea, the chicken rice man always greet me everytime I have early morning class at 8am, walk pass by the coffee shop where he always have breakfast there. A hardworking, unmarried middle aged man who thinks he couldnt get a wife because most women now more prefer highpost guy..maybe a ceo...haha, that was what he told me and my friend once.

me, main ditch and 2nd ditch sometimes will order chicken rice from him and get discounted too, thats the best part about it. 2.50 per plate..got discounted 1.50 perplate...haha, the cheapest chicken rice ever bought.

Unfortunately the chicken rice man happened to be the main ditch "godfather" and he must be thinking he has a crappy "god daughter" haha..main ditch made a promise that she will a christmas present for him and until now still nothing. Her "godfather" still asking for it each time he happens to remember about it.

hmm...I havent eat his chicken rice for a long time, maybe someday I should go and buy one from him and get some extra special chicken rice...haha

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nilij . nutter - The Art of Beating Fatigue - 9.34pm

I'll survive,

I can manage,

I can handle,

I wont fall

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

yes, I found myself smiling for no reason. I figured what is happening to me and I like it.

but now focusing on breathing so that I wont fall and worry.

I met the 3rd ditch on the way, walking home from my ex-house. She was fine and I did mentioned something about her phone.."is it a new phone?" and she laughed and told me how outdated was I. Well, dont really care about it. Chatted with her for a while then left.

After ramming the door, I spent the whole afternoon in my friend's place(my ex-neighbour). bla bla bla...Nothing much we did and now eating like a pig, havent eaten this afternoon...hahaha

Friday..yea...Friday...yea

phew!...I managed to ram in my room...

Accidentally pulled the door, shutting tightly and leaving me an oh my god look. I tried to turn with the screwed out knob but couldnt as I need to go to my class. So, just left for class.

I forgotten or should leave my window open, so that I could open the door from inside thru the window. I came back without any master plan and tried to open the door. Found a screwdriver from the toolbox and I thought it probably would take a long long time to screw out that tiny screws. I tried another time, turning with the loose knob and push. This time I rammed even harder than yesterday. After trying for about 10-15 minutes, I managed to ram into my room...wahahaha!

I have notice something about me. Classes have already been running for 2 weeks.

I can shine in the darkness....oops, sorry still looping the song.

Well, I have been sleeping like a pig and have some occasion of badly sleeping and mostly I have morning classes. Sometimes, like everyone else...a bit heavy to get myself up from bed. I eventually can focus quite well in class, a bit mind wandering at times and but realised it fast enough to bring myself back to where I am. I didnt have that usual swirling in class well once...hehe, on tuesday afternoon, lecture was boring, big class, less student and air condition was cold...couldnt help myself swirling a bit.

I can fly....oops

anyway, I like it, the process that I have at the moment

I found my door knob behaving a bit sick today and the next thing I knew, it got loose and I was stucked outside my room for a few seconds before I rammed the door a bit to force it open.

and now..when I tried to fixed it, it just came out from the shell. Oh no, I broke my door knob.

I can fly....

But I want his wings

My Angel...Gabriel. My Angel...Gabriel

hmm...I have been looping this song for days, the more I hear the more I like and it isnt nuts at all for looping it all day, thousands times because there's something about this song. After looping many times, I got chilled when I played it and more for the second time and more for the third time...

woke up this morning with the cloudy day. Sun was hiding. It was a bit hazy. The time was almost here..midyear, too hot, forest burning by itself.

By noon, it was more thicker and heaty and smoky. I smelt smoky.

By evening, it rained a bit. Hazy time it was hard to rain and because of that it led to many other things like water rationing, heaty and etc etc etc.

Usually by night...it was more blurry as if you were in Genting Highlands or Cameron Highlands but they werent clouds that passing by.

and this hazy time, we always hope for a heavy dramatic rain to wash away the haze.

My clock showed 8.25pm, I just arrived home and guess what, finally, met up with the main ditch, the same old her only she shifted house again. I joined her 1pm class and oh my! that class looked like a zoo or worst than that. I have never ever been a class like that before, noisy, screaming, yelling from this end to the other end, threw some papers even with the lecturer in front. Gosh! They still had that "high school" attitudes. Most of them were new and juniors. Seriously, they didnt know how to respect the lecturer in front. What I see, most of the time, when the lecturer entered, students knew how to take their seats or they were already in their seats waiting for the lecturer to appear.

I spent the entire afternoon with the main ditch. We went for lunch and suddenly she started with the line.."Jilin, im a lone ranger" and In my heart.."ok, so what now?" She told me about her relationship problems, still the same old problem, religion diversity and still she could think of another guy and wanted to couple up with that fella...damn that girl! Bet she told me jokingly, somehow she meant it and denied it in the same time...that still she couldnt forget her current boyfriend that happened to be separated because of religion diversity.

Then, I went to her new house and trashed her room...I ate up all her chocolate cookies. Well not all, some...haha, played some games using her new laptop. Very, very very new...so, what else can I play none other than spider solitaire and pinball...haha. She was tired and slept off. I was so hyper...I wasnt feel terribly tired, maybe a little but still composed and energetic.

I woke her up after I had already bored playing those games and all the magazines which I could find in her room had all read up. yea, I know...she still longing to sleep and she asked me..."Dont you feel tired? Do you want to lay down? Just lay down for a while...".

I was all alive. She didnt know how to entertain me so she gave up and we headed to night market "pasar malam" to buy some foods and stuffs before departed to our own ways.

The end

Woo! This is what I call interesting...never feel such alive for lab session. Althought it was just the first lab but hey..dealing with components, some running electricity, burn some LEDs, some funny burning smell could be more fun than anything else. Me and my friend eventually burnt off another group of our friends's LED, too high voltage because I eventually saw little light in it and she tried it again and BOOM!

hmmm...I eventually like labs that involve with hands artwork rather than starring at the pc and type type type for example: programming labs. I got so bored towards the end of the lab sessions and practically did nothing there.

Im like a new kid learning...dont laugh if I havent seen a breadboard before but today was the first time

I dont know...if im the one who is having problem or she.

yesterday evening, all of sudden I picked up my phone and started to call the main ditch. We had a normal talk and then we talked about meeting up since last week all the meetings were terribly failure. So, she suggested at 8pm in front of the library. We sounded so enthusiatic about it. But before I ended the phone. I remembered I mentioned "yea, 8, you give me a miss call or sms". I was so tired after school and eagerly waited for 8. 5 minutes after 8, I totally forgotten about it as I got distracted by something else and the fatigue that I had, I couldnt move around much. She didnt call too. So, decided to sleep early.

Around noon today, she called me when I was on my way to class. She wanted to meet up for lunch. We could only meet after my class at 2pm. Do you think this time will it be a success? her phone battery was almost dead by the time we had our first few lines, it was already totally dead and she told me to give her a call after my class.Yea, right...that dumbo thought that it was possible to receive a call after the battery was already dead.

By 2pm, I didnt know how to find her as her phone was unreachable. I sent a message to her saying that I waited at this place right now. Then, I received a call from her, she was with the 2nd ditch. Yes, you know she couldnt bare to be alone in just a few seconds and how could she stand to be alone for that period of time where she has to wait until my class ended?..and mentioned will call me back to reconfirm and bla bla bla because she and 2nd ditch planned to go somewhere.

After a few minutes, i received a sms from her..guess what she had written. This is what I extracted out from the message:

"so sorry for kept you waiting. can i see you tomorrow. sorry i cant make it for lunch with you today."

haha...I laughed. How cynical it was?

that usual line of hers "sorry for kept you waiting".

I heard that a thousands times, everytime she appeared late or something.

Well, let's see tomorrow...how many times and long do we need to take to meet up, just a simple meeting?

It is a bit annoying but in the same time predictable what kind of reason she is going to give and lines...that it sounds so damn fake.

hmm...im tired. nilij | nap

The exam hall almost filled up with YTM scholars and loan holders. I guess around 400 students mostly freshie, mostly scholars and from the 400 only a small number of students are loan holders.

yea, some of them we met again, those familiar faces from the workshop. When it came to this, I always have this feeling of wasnt right, that I dont belong here. But to think back How I was during the workshop, I could laugh my head off...so funny that I couldnt believe I was selected to be part of them. But still, feeling wasnt right. Look at those faces, going to be here and be good for the coming years. Somehow I feel tied down. Im not a person who loves to follow rules and regulations or if they are unreasonable rules which that couldnt think of. My friend reminded something when she wanted to know my progress. It is block at the moment but I will think of something about it.

THose freshies ...damn freshies are so hardworking. They wear student ID 24 Hours even at night, going out for dinner and etc etc. We were not so bother about that when we first stepped in. They buy new textbooks, everyday jam the bookshop, lining up till outside of the bookshop. Yes, lecturers have informed them "must buy textbooks". We were not so bother about that...we did some "illegal copyrights" ...wahahaha..damn that seniors!

One thing that I dont like to see is girls trying their best to be an adult. The way how they dress to school...funny, laugh! They are somewhat trying so hard that it doesnt even look matches, stay in between of being an adult and a student. Dont try to be anything, just be yourself. Dont stay in between, stay where you are comfortable belong too.

Good Morning!

Im feeling good after waking up although the dream that I had was a bit still running in my head, feeling weird and now its slowly dissolving. I had the same running dream throughout the whole night, although I did moved from my sleeping and almost lost it and focusing back to the dream. Well, a bit nightmarish that was why I moved a lot...haha.

Made breakfast for myself, fried egg tomato with toast bread-yummy, gulped& nbsp;them down happily and then ready for school.

Have a nice day! ':)'

To all fathers

Happy Father's Day!

Im thinking how can a person feeling bored...

You feel bored because you claim that you have nothing to do where else you actually have something to do but you dont want to do it because you feel like not doing. What do you call that? Is it Lazy?

You feel bored and you start to fuss about it that you have nothing to do but you want to do something and in the same time you dont want to do anything. You feel guilt indulging for doing nothing where there are tons of things you havent clear yet.

So, after all, is there any bored feeling or you're just being lazy?

12 hours marathon:

I woke up at 6.18am still longing for sleep but I could not. It would make me more lazy. My lower abdomen feeling a bit tensed, it is going to the day again. By 7am I was out from my house for tennis. By 9am..I walked back home, not so tired, limbs abit sore but feel good. My back was in more tensed, must be I hopped too much and also truly going to the day again. My base feet in tensed too, hopping and landing on hard ground many times...thats what I read from the dummies book.

10.30am...wanted to get a roll of film from photoshop, shop not yet opened and went to meet my friend at the bus stop, heading down to town for some official matter, to get my agreement forms to stamp. Later headed to the only shopping center in town. I just love to see the seaview when crossing over the bridge. Well, I was planning to walk from Hang Tuah Mall area to the shopping center, passing thru some old heritage buildings and Historical sites for a sightseeing and enhancing the memory power. For some people...historical sites were just next to the street, no one even fascinate about it anymore as they have seen it many times. I have seen many times too but if you are walking and alone, you will see it more better. I like to see if they have any differences from the last time I have seen them, the crowd, the activities going on. I like to be in the center of the massive crowd of tourists from China, Taiwan, Singapore, Hong Kong, Japan, Australia, German, Britian, Scotland. It makes me feel Im one of the alien there too. Once a tour guide was explaining briefly about the 'The Well' in a temple to a group of Singaporean tourists and I joined them, listening to the explanation by standing before them. It is a bit out of topic here...should be a boring blog. Well, unfortunately I wasnt with the friend that like walking far, looking and seeing.

Walk around the area, helping her to look for sport shoe.

After lunch at Kenny Roger's yum yum...I love the muffin. went to MPH Bookstore and I found a book on 'I Luv Malaysia' under the Travel rack and started to flip the pages, contain all states information with updated maps, interesting spots, hotels and etc etc etc, thought wanted to purchase it. Whats wrong with purchasing something that many people would think that I dont need it? I need updated maps, routes, railway routes and spots. You dont know what am I going to do with it. In some point, my back pain hit me so hard that there were times that I had to lean myself to the rack or whatsoever.

5.30pm...went home, sun already setting. phew better than yesterday bright and shiny. Browsed my watch, it clocked 6.15pm. It was where it all started...12 Hours journey and I am still awake.

Not feeling so tired and still feel good...probably wanted to do 24 Hours awake marathon. I dont know, let's see...if my back pain is nothing to do with the day of going to the day again, probably will end the marathon for tennis tomorrow.

new affection - "Tennis"

Oh, this probably going to take me some time to type, my hands are a bit stiff at the moment.

Tennis is the largest version of Table Tennis.  Our serving was funny. Well, as for beginner..must start with something simple to hit and catch. We served like how table tennis ball is served for beginner..bounce the ball on the table and hit...that was what we implemented here...bounce the ball on the floor and hit. Well, it worked!

As what I could see it...need to be alert all the time, where is the ball flying to...runs a lot, picking balls a lot too. A few times or many times, when I hit the ball, it flew somewhere above my head as I was looking for the ball. Just need to have the right techniques. We aimed to hit at least 5 times. Well, we did! even though the ball bounced a few times on the court before we launched the hit. We were in the stage of "at least know how to hit the ball."

After all, it was fun, sweating definitely and my legs...oh!

I dont know how but I made it...

See those faces in the exam hall for supplementary paper, they were not dumb or big failure/loser, they were just having technical problem in the first round and that was why they were here for the 2nd round without technical fatality...but still I believe there are still....Anyway, I was one of them...hahaha

I had given more than a month to prepare but I just couldnt do it, too long period, preparing for just one subject absolutely bored. I was a bit depressed when the time was near. I was still having problem touching the books.

On Sunday...I thought it was the time to touch the books but failed.

On Monday...I almost wanted to give up, pondering the huge decision whether letting thru this round or retake the class.

On Tuesday....Suddenly I got all the energy to do it again. It was a small amount of time for studying I did that day but I was happy. I knew I can do it.

On Wednesday...I got all the hype, I was studying whole day long...things starting to look pretty easy, probably know where to focus or how the right method to understand it. I had confident that management will be the number 1 alright and I suddenly knew how to count the accounting questions

On Thursday...read something on economics in the morning. paper in the afternoon. before that, main ditch sent a sms "please call me now, URGENT!" how urgent could that be? haha. So, I called. She asked me if im going home for this weekend. She is going back today. From there, I knew that she must be alone going back to KL and she is big time afraid to be alone and must be all her other close friends(boyfriend and 2nd ditch) werent around, so thats why she came to me. Fortunately, Im not going back home this weekend. Then she asked me about buying laptop, which brand is good for laptop? She mentioned the brand names to me ACER, HP and DELL? I didnt know which one is good. Im not a computer laptop salesman. She always asks me question for example..."what do you think this 2nd laptop NEC pentium ...RAM...space...size, is it ok?" Well, im not any supergeek computer genius who knows everything from head to toe. I dont even know how much is 256RAM is the market right now. I dont even know how much is it cost to upgrade from pentium 3 to 4. I know some but I dont know everything. So, about her question. I just simply choose ACER...wahahaha. Trying to purchase any stuffs, do some research on it.

2.30pm I was in the exam hall and my phone started to ring, continuosly although I kept rejecting. I was thinking in my heart...Who is the dumbell calling me at this time? Why people always happen to call me or message me when I was in the middle of some big thing?

After I came out from the hall. I started to think who was the dumbell called me at that hour. No one would call me at that time. So, I tried to call the main ditch and I was right. She was the dumbell. Still afraid to be alone, the time came to an end where she had to go back to KL alone and still could ask me whether if I want to go for lunch, and suggested that she could accompany me. What da fuck, dumbo? I declined because I couldnt have heavy lunch, planned to play tennis in about an hour time but was cancelled because the weather was just unbearerable...the sun was so striking. Thats about it.

Im FREE...no touching school books tonight

Anytime that she suggested, she will no appear. So, whats the point of suggesting the time?

at this point again..you got it right again. I got ditched again...wahaha. I dont really bother because I know it will not happen.

I found out this morning from my ex-housemate, that main ditch and the 2nd ditch visited our old house yesterday. what time? Im not sure, could be evening.

so, either she will call today or maybe not and starts to apologize and bla bla bla bla....

What is this ? what is this? Am I dumb or what?

Certainly not, Im exciting, enthusiatic, anticipate about the meeting. I hold my words, If I say I will meet at this time at this hour even though im so tired, I will still appear. It is not about letting people down but you take action because I have said so and I keep my words true.

yea, yea...by this point you got it. I got ditch again...wahahaha. 2nd time today by the same person...Fantastic! haha...probably going to write a book on "What happen when you got ditch?" or "How to get ditch again and again?" or "Start to ditch the person ditches you".

I know, I know... I have given chance for her and probably for myself to believe that she is integrity with her words, that she is not the one who run off with some other person even though she knows that we are going to meet at this time at this hour.

I just could laugh about it.

you know, how I hate when she keeps apologizing everytime we meet up. Apologize as for her is nothing, so casual, meaningless that prone her to repeat again and again. Damn, does she thinks apologizing is a polite way for people to accept everytime? No, she needs to appear, thats all and must be on time.

yea, it looks like I could talk and talk about her for long....hahaha. but it is all sounds bad. Well, what do you know...certainly easy to talk some daily distinguish acts of a person rather than some 'angel' acts....hahaa

Well...if you have a friend like that, start to do a ditching game. It works. I did that...hehe

Time to eat banana....wahahaha

we resheduled to meet at 8pm...let's see what happen ;)

After got contacted back with the main ditch...I have no expectation or any outcomes or whatsoever. I havent seen her for months and everything she says..just pleasing, trying to make people feel good but she is the one who is abusing herself because she thinks she is much more better than anyone and trying to defend herself saying she knows how to do it even though she doesnt know. A huge green eye monster, could even see and smell it...I have no right to say about her but I feel I know her too well and too much.

I just got ditched haha...by her, supposed to meet at 2pm. Well, not anxious about meeting her because everytime there is something coming up and plan changes just like that or postpone the meeting. See there is a very fix frame about it because I dont see any changes from her even though she has talk about it a zillion times since the day I know her. Yea, she knows her weakness and because of that sometimes she feels ashame to be with me who she thinks that I am better than her. She afraid that I have an assumption of her that she is dumb in everything. Yea, I know...sometimes she afraid to share something with me because she thinks that I might laugh at her poor performance.

Come on, Im not perfect. I dont even want to perfect. I have holes. Holes that need to mend by myself with the things that I work out with.

~Best Wishes from me.~ everyone can improve themselves but need time. sometimes you take too long to improve. it is just the matter of how are you doing it. You will survive, anyway

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Creative, cosmopolitan, and a bit moody If something's on your mind, it's on your blog

You Are 23 Years Old

23  Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Your Birthdate: November 5

With a birthday on the 5th of the month you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel.   You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility

haha..it is funny, definitely, I havent really thought about it when people said to me.."you have stop going for piano lessons, do you still remember how to play?"

There are certain things that we learnt and we never gonna forget about it. School stuffs maybe will forget in a couple of years or maybe in hours. depends.

Why dont they try to ask me if I forget how to play recorder when we had to learn to play recorder in elementary school.

Why? if you never play any musical instruments before...you dont know how it feels when you play a melodic rhythm, how joy is it that you could finish a piece with many errors but you feel good because you manage to finish it by pressing the wrong keys and get it right without concerning about the dynamics and expressions. Some people play by ear listening, they dont know how to read notes but they can play well.

You will never get lost with your artistic side...because you will find calm, peace in it which makes you comfortable and secure with yourself.

write a song, anyone can write when they get the right sound and they call it rhythm. Dont care if it has to be in correct form...must be in dominant chord before end the piece. You create what it feels right, somehow it touches about you, your soul...you call it as music.

Everyone is going back to school. Im going back to school. Elementary, kindergarten, high school student going back to school after 2 weeks break. It is like a tradition or something or I dont know ... it rains every first day of school

By the time I wanted to go to class, rained started to pour heavy again. I went to Block B, took the elevator up to fourth floor and looked for the venue before I came to realise that I was in the wrong block.

So, ran down the stairs to the right block and thought I was late, met my bunch of friends in front of the elevator.

To Prakash - we became classmates again

To Amira and Foo whom I have known earlier or recently - we became classmates

To Zuli - we met again and became classmates again

hmm....continued

grocery shopping or household shopping, depends how you call it. To Giant, Tesco, pushing trolley. so used too it. I know which row is for what and etc etc etc

watching tv again...that day had beatles special on star world. She loves you ya ya ya....and Elvis..Wise men say, only fool rush in...da la la di dum

exercise...up and down, left and right, up up up..down down down 1 2 3 exhale 456 inhale

zzZZzzZZ

Im feeling great again. I have been feeling good for few days already and because of that Im like a small kid living in my body.  No doubt...when feeling good, feel like a kid...not trying to remember my childhood or anything cause you know how to feel as a kid...carefree, happy, play, fun, no worries, dont bother, dont care. Although adults tend to suggest and decide for kids but then kids dont really bother about how good the decision made. They dont worry if they play until all dirt and sweat, they dont worry if their clothes get dirty, they dont worry if they are right or wrong, they dont worry if they get up on time and etc etc. Who is the main worrier? The mother...wahahaha...

Kudos to all mothers

Im not feeling calm, these images of families and relatives need to be dissolved from my mind. Feel pressure and tense seeing all the stuffs that they bought for me as if they werent mine. Each thing I see, flashing back from where it from, with who it bought and etc etc etc.

Yea, Im feeling not so good now, feeling like im so incapable. :cry: They help me as if they have too...I dont know but I just dont like it.

Mum said - "Dont be so kind to people, dont be helpful to stranger"

Grandma said - "Dont open the door to stranger"

Dad said - "Next time you come out from school, you are guarantee can get job"

sister said - "oh, you are leaving back"

brother said - "oh, good"

I - closed my ears

I see the sun, I feel the heat, I see the people, I smell the room and I am back. When the door flung opened wide, put my first step in, I could smell it I could smell it. The same old room smell that I havent been smell for a long time, bring back the old memories. Most probably I smell the dust, and tiny spiders still running around, the room is 50-50 clean and Im sitting in the center of the room with my stuffs pile around me, typing here.

Im feeling tired but I feel good. I had already been dumped here about 30 minutes ago. I could not sleep but I want to nap. I have many things to clean and clear but I dont want to do. Im amaze of where I am right now, looking around the square room. It is the same, many stuffs around, messy but eye pleasing, I like what I see.

I can consider it was a sleepless night. I have been swarmed by mosquitos. If you look at my lower lips, I look like someone has given me a punch. I woke up practically around 3 am, immediately boot up pc and sent a message to a friend before I started meditate for a while and went back to sleep again.

The 2nd phase of sleeping is horrible. I got knocked on my center point of my head on the sofa handbar. I have been sleeping at the hall on the couch for weeks. Im the nightgatekeeper. I couldnt fall back to sleep, roll, toss, splat, smack and the dogs kept barking. I heard a car sound just pulled over. The door was opened. The footstep. The trail of dogs barking. By 5.45am, the dogs still barking. I heard more cars. I smelt some burnt joysticks. Is it going to have fire anywhere? Should I get ready to run? I did slept off abit before I was woke up by a mystery sound. My mum said it was cow sounds-a like sound. It was loud and appeared alternately. Oh my, my thoughts became weird. All this time I have been watching some horror movies and this is happening now ... to me. is it going to jump over the fence and I could hear the sound loud and clear behind the door, causing me to shiver?

By 6am..the dogs went silence..all of them. That was strange. but the mystery sound still appeared. By 6.10am, I heard bell ringing, not that ordinary alarm clock. It was bell. The prayer bell. Ahh...then I knew, some family is doing a prayer, most probably it came from that 2 houses away from here, new resident, going to shift in anytime. I wouldnt bother anymore as I continued my journey to sleep.

Oh, finally tblog is back to business, Phew!

Yesterday was miserable when tblog was buggy and I was anxious, looking for place to write and I did found a place to write for temporarily :

 http://www.geocities.com/some1sayhi/nilij_nutt er.html" title="http://www.geocities.com/some1sayhi/nilij_nutt er.html" target="_blank"http://www.geocities.com/some...

Have a nice weekend!

Im all full...when I read the previous post. It sounds like im reviewing what I have been doing for this holiday. Nevermind, it is still the same

let's continue or have you already getting bored with it...haha

Reading..I spend about 15 minutes or more everyday to read something or maybe more. I read the tv subtitle too, schoolbooks and etc books. Something that interesting. not going to lose my attention after a few first lines. I like the smell of new books, it is refreshing.

Download songs...Beatles ROCKS, what more can I say! Here is the list of what I have downloaded: Beatles, My chemical Romance, Velvet Revolver, Zero 7, Chris Tomlin, Lifehouse, Goo Goo Dolls, JC Chasez, Sting, Banco De Gaia, Bjork, Theivery Corporation, and etc etc etc. Everything in my gmail storage.

Cycling - free hand cycling at backlane

watching TV - I just watched eternal sunshine for the last 50 minutes on HBO. I like to watch Oprah Whi tney when she gave away stuff for free..wooo, the home makeover by Nate Berkus, amazing work. I like to watch cooking shows..you name it they have it 1 hour on Travel Channel 5 days a week...Jamie Oliver, Kylie Kwong, Nigella Lawson, Australian chef and more Jamie Oliver. I like the new era on how they shoot the cooking, so realistic and making you all drool over the food rather than some old time static studio kitchen scene...so unnatural. I like to watch Bewitched, a mortal who has a witch wife, old time comedy...funny..haha. I watched 4 comedy shows within 2 hours. I learnt to watch CSI, yea has been everyone fav until I learnt to pick recently, im a bit late. CSI : NY is my fav..Gary Sinise is cool. I watched "The Pianist" again and again...you know, sometimes you just cant get bored watching over and over again some good old movies. Im waiting to catch the rerun "The Legend of 1900" on astro but unfortunately no luck, havent been on the running list for a long time. The Travel Channel is getting bored, repeats too much until I have visited Italy 6 times, Mongolia twice, Vienna 3 times and Bob Maclaren shows 8 times. Soon, im going to be a TV critic. I usually get some visual ideas from watching TV. I like to watch the makeover for straight guys by the queer guys, like to see Carson so all drool with the straight guys.."You're so hottie" and he happens to be the fashion guru.."Come on now, dont be shy, pants down, hands up and put on the new shirt" . I watched Pool/Snooker 9 ball on ESPN, Formula 1 on star sports and bla bla bla

Meditation - timing on 3 - 5 am

Dancing...haha, silly dance robotic moves in the bathroom, silly sexy dance moves in the bathroom, silly funny sychronize dance moves in the bathroom. Feel good when dancing naked...la la di da da dum

Jumping when happy and jump when want to be happy.

and bla bla bla bla .... I need to go and wash my shoe.

Speaking of shoe...I fond of shoe in red color. Oh please, I like my shoe in red. No red, I just cant wear out..at least must have 60% red or in striking colors. Footwear is an important stuff. I need them to be colorful and comfortable to feel good when walking, walking in confident.

What I have been doing lately?

yea...All of sudden I got the question consecutively or consequencely. It is nothing wrong, dont worry, maybe I will be getting alot more later. Are you sure you want to know what have I been doing?

I dont really reveal what Im doing but If I want to share it, you will get the whole pack. Basically it is nothing special. Im trying to do a little thing at least something for a day even the day is not so progressing or Im on the mood of not want to do anything at all. A small aim of doing for a day worths the day.

Well,...

I enjoy train ride, taking train to the big city and changing train and get onboard on different types of trains. Should try taking all kind of transportation...havent explore some sightseeing. Every transport has a different sight of view even when you travel in a car...the view that you are looking from the driver seat may not be the same as the view you look from the passenger seat. I always think driving your own vehicle or being a driver has a limited sightseeing.

Taking pictures, I like taking pictures. If only a digicam has a long lasting battery like SLR cameras or any other less hi-tech camera, it would be great. No worries if the battery runs out of fuel. Anybody still using that less hi-tech camera, which you have to view everything from that small frame? maybe I prefer that, eventhough it is a bit bulky, need film but it still produce some fantastic images. I like to keep a hardcopy of my images. Bet I like or still preserve some old traditional style...well im antique

Visual art, I have updated my website. I supposed to change some website layout. Well, a bit stuck there. Im running out of ideas but certainly I made out a few postcards from heaven for trial. I need to have a good printer. hmm...

my piano needs some tuning or I need to get her to refurnish. It is rustic. just lost my appetite when the sound isnt that good. But still roll on "music from E flat major" It sounds so melachonic when it is play spontaneously and I have the weirdest style of writing music. They are in alphabetic rather than with stem on the staves....

Edible stuff...well I was thinking to be a chef for this holiday but I did not. Im all hype when the fridge equips with good stuff and kitchen is clean. I did some choc fudge oat ice cream look a like...cool and facial mask with yogurt, white egg and cucumber. Hey it looks like time to make another facial mask.

haha..I took a long time to write this. Halted to cook noodle and got a postage from telekom, my noodle almost overcooked.

to be continued....

Each time I have been out long enough to be in the society and the craziness of life. I always come back home with something that I could consider as 'Thinking'. It is about why or how or realisation...but more related on myself. It made me to wonder back what I have been doing, why Im here and etc etc etc

After wondering long enough. Everything went silence. Im happy, no clouded mind as I got cleared the situation of the past. I figured way and yes ... which mean I have nothing to write in my blog thats the indicator of nothing going thru my mind.

Yes...I feel light, feel happy, feel calm when I clear everything, let go, no worries, Nothing! But it doesnt last long. This is where I need to know the way to keep it last.

:D:D

breaching out or in some hair fashion. I was surprise with my estimation of the length, damn I really dont know how to count. Ok, yea I was abit depressed after I had the haircut. I thought my new haircut could make me happy, im happy when i get a haircut because it is new, refreshing and outwit of what my eyes see myself 'boredom' of how I look...haha

Eyes could be wrong but Im happy for the change. It took for a while to get use to it. I thought of getting another transformation by myself but maybe I will save the idea. Im getting used to my new haircut, it is simple,duple and whatsoever.

I had freaky time when I went out and saw all those people with long hairs, i bet none of them have that length like mine, guess that i have a different style probably bring back some old timer hairstyle fashion. Im happy now or maybe not that I dont like the same like anybody else, probably have the weirdest haird in the crowd.

Sure feeling uncomfortable, irresponsible...I just couldnt lie or give excuses. But word is only word, only to tell people where im standing. The feeling had gone but I guess I put my godmother in a situation where she felt that she had done something wrong or maybe guilty about that because of just one single problem with that my sis.

oh no, she would starts to think something wrong and how it all related and stuff and probably she might feeling sad about that..

I hope she is doing fine...

Congratulations on your wedding :

Karen Lillian Sanchez Moll and Wojciech Antoni Glapa

on 4th June 2005 in Wroclaw, Poland

Best wishes from me to the newly wed

I had a sleepless night. I did sleep but it was out of place. I was tired and yet difficult staying asleep for a long time. I woke up every 2 hours, tossing, turning and kicking so hard. The same image kept hanging in my head as I tossed and turned and kicked. Dream that I couldnt remember but it got to do something with it. I guess it was a nightmarish thingy. It didnt have to be some devil to be in the nightmarish situation but I could sense that it was another crowded dream with relatives, friends and families...that it was so blur, cant see anything, cant even recall any parts of it, only some mild images. I felt a bit tied down.

I wasnt feeling so good after waking up and probably lasting the whole day. yes...I just woke up from nap and this feeling still hanging over me. My chest felt so heavy and probably could break down any minute, already on some level but I need to cure it.

I wasnt sad or anything. It just make me down and after napping, i felt like i wasnt even properly wake up, felt like i was still wandering in my sleep or dream