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Digital Systems Done Room
09.29.05 (12:05 pm)   [edit]

Paper looked easy but questions were tricky and some not so understandable. Didnt have all those weird questions on shift register, encoder, decoder, multiplexer, demultiplexer. Somehow I got stucked each time with the drawing diagrams. cant figure out how to draw AB' using NAND gates as I tried so many times but didnt get it... :x . Yea, as I came out from the hall, all the questions and numbers started to dissolve from my head. I estimated that I probably Im going to miss out 10 points and after I came out, when heard my friends were discussing and cursing the paper...haha. I guess from 10 points could be missed 10 ++ points or more or I dont know


I need to rest a bit...I slept at 6am - 7.30am and now still feel good, not so badly fatigue. I dont know, must be the meditation that can last me longer


------------------------- ---------------


* remind me to tell 'you' about 'the advises' . It is funny

 
np : Jon Hopkins - Contact Note Room
09.28.05 (4:26 pm)   [edit]

After a disappointment talking on the phone and feeling shitty about it, dashed out for some walk and buy food, of course to the night market. I might look like a ghost when walking or people may see it differently. Saw my 2nd math lecturer, somehow followed behind him to see what he was doing. His child is cute ...oh some sweet potatoes and brinjals. I think most foreign lecturers do more on grocery vege shopping than their wifes...seldom see their wifes out to have vege shopping. well not many though. Extra 2 beggers there..both must come from the same institution of begging, their style: lay on stomach on the floor. I dont really bother much to see people some unusual style of begging, not even have a single pity feeling. I feel it is sick! but somehow as what I see they get a lot of profits from the night-market goers. Kudos! they will survive.


-----------


people! get the big picture...damn something crawling in my food. i guess not much problem if eaten a small beetle..it is healthy, rich with proteins :D uhh, nutty

 
The offshore calmness Room
09.28.05 (12:36 pm)   [edit]

True...I got some sting that I cant study at the moment and bit tired. woke up an hour half ago, boiling some corn in the kitchen, make sure I'll remember about it. ahh...just dont feel like studying, wanna go here and there, do this and that rather than staying put in here..could make me nuts sometimes, maybe it did happened already.


say the night prayer before sleep


focus on your breathe


smile when cant even smile


look in the mirror after waking up and put a smile on


why there is so much things to think?and when it hits once...cant delete it off.


new addiction : http://solopianoradio.com" title="http://solopianoradio.com" target="_blank"http://solopianoradio.com

 
Weird Paper Room
09.27.05 (4:30 pm)   [edit]

It doesnt feel like an exam day, it doesnt feel like im going for an exam, it doesnt feel like a battle day.


yes, im pretty calm and feeling weird. I kept smiling and laughing when doing the paper not it was easy or anything but the paper seemed to be 'dont know how to describe'. It looked easy for some people but  but but...I dont know how to describe. It was a weird question paper for me. Dont even really have to study hard for it, just need to be good at the basics and used some general thinking. I was having a big trouble at the beginning, choosing the questions and felt like not enough time to do it. In some part, felt a light tensed at my forehead. Never really sure all my answers that I had put it in or at least written some crap shits on it or didnt even look correct. It was just normal and weird and...unexplainable. Everything feels so lightweight.


Now, wasnt that feel tired or sleepy, more tensed on my forehead and still feeling weird. Happy to gulp down a plate of chicken chop :D


maybe im in somesort of state that everything seems to be lightweight and not so important and not so serious but put every effort in....


and slowly...my remembrance of the paper structure slowly diminishing as later will not remember what kind of questions that they were in the paper  and totally forget about the paper....and nothing left.


maybe I should go for a rest in a while :D


 

 
np : Craig Urquhart - Evocation WMP Room
09.26.05 (6:11 pm)   [edit]

I think I just like to leave my room for good sometimes or perhaps stayout temporary, sitting in there is too much personal, too much stuffs, too much worries, too much thinking and sometimes even suck my energy.


I dont know if I can consider that today I had slept for 12 hours, woke up in between and stayed up for 3 hours, meditated and slept again with corpse yoga position.


Walking to night market was good. added more stalls selling pirated cds. Yesterday there was a singaporean couple stopped by and asked me when is the bkt beruang night market. unfortunately it wasnt yesterday. there was an indonesian workers couple walking in front of me and suddenly the sh orter somehow like caressing another guy's ass and to the waist..haha :D 


damn, the sambal sotong is spicy

 
sunday room
09.25.05 (4:56 pm)   [edit]

I dreamt that me and my family in my grandmother's house packing and leaving the house including the people who is living in that house too...thats all I can remember.....I noticed I tossed and turned too much. I couldnt sense anything, tomorrow starting of the exam week, doesnt feel like it at all and my first paper starting on tuesday doesnt panic me. My friends thought I was all totally wrong today, might weird looking and talk weirdly as she kept asking ..."are you ok?" We went over to Jusco to study :D that place is pack like hell every weekends. Yes, I havent been to public places much, crowded places and not stepping out more than radius 3Km for few days and only out at night so I cant see people much or clearly...haha...so, Im a bit jargon. What was cool about it was that...didnt pay for the bus fare when coming back time.


------------------------- ------------------------- ----- 


Why my music creation always sounds so melanchony?


-havent touch a good piano for a long time-


-no one prefer to use American piano-

 
Friday Room
09.23.05 (3:29 pm)   [edit]

Congratulations to the 10,000th viewer of this page!


Another cloudy day which looks like going to rain but no...sun has just appeared 5.20pm.


I had weird dreams...maybe not so weird...dreamt about losing teeths again not just one but several. I had this weird dream of a house. I think I dreamt about the house before or it was in the same night. Found a house fully furnished and going to stay there. The following dream that I got was..i think it was the same house but an accident happened. 2 fellas dead in the house due to some supernatural power. It was scary though. But somehow I just wanted to go back to that dream again to see how those fellas died.


 

 
Collage Room
09.22.05 (4:40 pm)   [edit]

It feels so nice sleeping...at least the last part I noticed that I was breathing quite loud indicated that I was tired. It has been cloudy and chill and rain a bit...ahhh this kind of weather, I like it very much better than yesterday.


After reading long and tired, I started to do my hands collage, progressing great. When I started to do this kind of thing, I wont feel sleepy and can keep me going on.


:D

 
napping room
09.21.05 (4:43 pm)   [edit]

It got cleared....napping was good.


 :: meditation time ::

 
Wednesday Room
09.21.05 (12:39 pm)   [edit]

Another day of cloudy but this type of cloudy day only making me headache and probably would make me lay flat after walking too long under it.


Red days are on and going to have no water supply...that must be so shitty!


feel better than previously but cant feel any better...


What am I worried about? Let me tell...


There is nothing to worry about you and me


Tension about exam is pretty much usual - one of the factor


I can say that Im worrying about my dad


thinking long that...this negative thoughts coming to attack me again. have been battling with it using breathing method, meditation. it sounds like there is an evil is controlling me and talk behalf on me. Yes, sounds crazy but I have been very limit with my talking as I only want to say something which is impeccable and not something that sound just not like me.


If I have something weird remark or different comment that you think you never heard before from me and shouldnt come from me....forgive me!


you called all that problems?....problems wont even go away even when you wake up from sleeping. Afraid of sleeping doesnt mean you dont want to face it. I just dont want to get the uneasy feeling again. If I cant solve my worries...yes im sucks but now I feel like I sounded just like "you" :P ...I probably would feel "free" after 2 weeks when the paper has ended and looking forward to have holiday, rest, sleep and have fun.

 
Review Room
09.21.05 (12:21 pm)   [edit]

The Truth and Myth about this semester :


BEN 2014 - Intro to Cyberpreneurship


I attended all the classes in the beginner of 8 weeks and the next 8 weeks...I cant see where is it going anymore


TMT1111 - Numerical Maths


change lecturers 3 times before stucked with the last one till the end. A lousy maths lecturer where most of us dont understand where the hell is going on. Seriously I dont understand the whole topic teaching until I attended the tutorial class. Yes, I got full attention for the maths tutorial class...thats where I got to learn.


TCE1111 - Digital Systems


OK, overall this is the class enjoying going and beneficial than any other classes. the lab sessions were a bit tension but hey there was something fun to do, dealing with hands, practical work. Today, my lab partner at last blew the LED for the very last time that we wanted "POP" right in front of my eyes. Yea, I brought the broken ashes LED back home as souvenirs. Today the last lab test and last lab wasnt sure about the workings but we kept convinced him that our circuit can work...can work when he said our working and drawing dont make sense at all.


"DOnt worry and Have Fun!" - thats all he said to us.


PES1011 - Technical Communications


pretty tocturing in the class. All theory, long words, long paragraphs and she explained looonnngggg. I admitted that I did really really dozed off in her class especially during mid day.


TCP 1241 - Computer Programming II


I hate the lecturer a lot and hate going to her class...since day one, just dont like anything about it. lecturer a bit buyers, impatience and grumpy. Lab sessions..feel boring every week as I dont see where it is going.

 
Another lesson in life Room - email extracted
09.21.05 (12:05 pm)   [edit]
A group of working adults got together to visit their University
Lecturer.The Lecturer was happy to see them. Conversation
soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

The Lecturer just smiled and went to the kitchen to get an
assortment of cups - some porcelain, some in plastic, some
in glass, some plain looking and some looked rather expensive
and exquisite.

The Lecturer offered his former students the cups to get
drinks for themselves.

When all the students had a cup in hand with water, the
Lecturer spoke: "If you noticed, all the nice looking,
expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain
and cheap ones. While it is normal that you only want the
best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems
and stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup,
but we unconsciously went for the better cups."

"Just like in life, if Life is Water, then the Jobs, Money
and Position in society are the Cups. They are just tools
to hold/maintain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't
change."

"If we only concentrate on the Cup, we won't have time
to enjoy/taste the Water in it."
 
sunday - 18.09 room
09.20.05 (5:26 pm)   [edit]

sunday - 18.09.05


I followed my parents went back home. napping wasnt so good and at night I bugged along with my brother, his friend and dad to Malaysian Idol Result Show in shah alam.


Sri Pentas was way up at 5th floor, following faizul the 7th contestant that got voted off behind all the way up the escalator. that place was just a small area..all live and can see how they actually function doing a live show.


Ok, before that ...there was a scary moment. We were walking not even 500m, my dad already fell down next to the pedestrian walkway. It was quite dark. Luckily I didnt step on his glasses when I turned back for a look after I heard a sound. I have to admit...I feel amused and laughed in my heart but it was scary too. and so, we walked to a more brighter place...he started to panic because he saw his both palms all bloody and lots and got me scared too, checking him from head to toe to see any injuries or where the blood came from. Ok, I didnt bring tissues along. So I ran to nearby cafe to get some tissues. ahhhh, scary..he falls a lot.


the time when we did caving...we wanted him to walk in front instead of behind us..he wanted to protect us but we want to protect him...haha. I was climbing in the middle position, kept turning behind to see if he was ok.

 
Saturday nite room
09.20.05 (5:06 pm)   [edit]

saturday - 17.09.05, night


ok, I can say this was the second time embarassing moment when i went for outing with my aunties (mum's sisters).


I think it was embarassing and their acts were unnecessary and shocked myself again.


again, I was walking behind. My first aunt was paying the parking ticket at another end ticket vending machine before we joined her and to my surprise, they were actually mouth-fighting with a lady who was standing behind her. Ok, I didnt know the head of the story but I think it must be something to do with the queeing thingy.


I was looking at my second aunt and I didnt know why I was looking at her lips and she mouthed out.."what the hell dont you fuck yaself?" Ok, I was shocked not that she mouthed out the word fuck but she did it for several times...and if the case was about just queeing, that was not even needed to get pissed like that. no one was in a hurry and paying the tickets not gonna take you more than 2 minutes or even less than that.


and my second aunt was feeling so great about herself that she got to scold that lady by using the word fuck...and kept mentioning it back when we were in the car...hey! there are 2 kids in the car...isnt it that we are not supposed to use the word in front of kids? that word, kids dont learn from parents or any other family members...they pick up by themselves.


unnessary at all to mouth-fight.

 
saturday - 17.09 room
09.20.05 (4:49 pm)   [edit]

saturday - 17.09.05


that little kiddo bugged me all day long when I just stepped into my grandma;s house. He showed me his drawings, his artworks, his schoolworks, his new toys and he just simply like..girls.


I cant remember what games we played but I know there was nothing got to do with playing stamping which my whole thumb turned green on the last time we played, happened to dip in my thumb to the green ink.


little kiddo kept asking my mum to bring him to Hong Kong Disneyland...haha. It was funny. I was having a nap, and he was laying down next to me, drinking milk. In the middle of napping, I heard him calling me to wake up and time for dinner.


Dinner time, he was disturbing here and there. He didnt even care whose talking to you. he interrupted in, wanted to talk too.


At night, everyone was watching Terminator 3 in the hall and everyone was fall asleep except for me and little kiddo's big brother.


must these 2 brothers fight...oh my! big brother not so patience person. little kiddo is carefree and want to disturb more when the big brother got more pissed off and so they fight. little kiddo didnt feel pain or whatsoever after his big brother attacked instead he laughed, bet that he wanted more.


to be continued...

 
tuesday room part 2
09.20.05 (4:36 pm)   [edit]

Ok, this is true, I started to feel weird after looking at my programming carry marks. What shocking was the lab test mark. Ok, I know earlier what I got but right now it is weird...I got only 2 marks and only able to answer one solely question...what da hell am I thinking? im not jealous of looking some other people lab test marks that they could get 4 or 5 marks . I just feel that ...what is wrong with me?! But hey after seeing all those carry marks...I know where im standing and there is a hope, there is still a hope...there is!


Ok, I still feel sleepy and my analysis was that....it is all false, all those calling to sleep, sleepy are all false messages or black poison that trying to kill me instead. Is this something to do with willpower testing?


Stay Strong! Stay Healthy! Dont listen to the little nonsense voices!

 
tuesday room
09.20.05 (1:25 pm)   [edit]

damn...really really my sleepings werent that good for days already.


Well, deep sleep for days...the first few sleeping days were nice and wanted to sleep more but now the sleeping days a bit nightmarish, panic and uneasy. today nap dreamt about a renovated house and today feel terribly fatigue even right after waking up and today want to sleep again and rest again and again.

 
WLO Room - dated 31 Aug 05
09.16.05 (2:57 pm)   [edit]








How do we survive? 

 


     It is all very well for us to try to improve our health, our standard of living and our relation with nature, but I am beginning to think we are overdoing it a little.
    & nbsp;In the mail they have sent me three liters of products that substitute milk; a Norwegian company would like to know if I am interested in investing in the production of this new type of food, since, according to specialist David Rietz, “ALL (his capitals) cow milk contains 59 active hormones, lots of fat, colesterol,dioxins, bacterias and viruses”.
    & nbsp;I think of the calcium that when I was a child my mother told me was good for the bones, but the specialist already has an answer for me: “Calcium? How do cows manage to acquire enough calcium for their large bone structure? From plants!” Of course, the new product is made on the basis of plants, and milk is condemned based on an endless number of studies carried out in a variety of institutes all over the world.
    & nbsp;How about proteins? David Rietz is implacable: “I know they call milk ‘liquid meat’ (I have never heard this _expression, but he must know what he is talking about) on account of the high dose of protein it contains. But proteins prevent calcium being absorbed by the organism. Countries that have a protein-rich diet also have a high rate of osteoporosis (lack of calcium in the bones).”
    & nbsp;In the afternoon my wife sends me a text she found on the Internet:
    & nbsp;“People who are now between 40 and 60 years old used to go about in cars that did not have safety belts, head rests or airbags. Children were left loose in the back seat, having a good time jumping around. Cradles were painted in bright colors that are now considered “dubious” because they could contain lead or some other dangerous element.”
    & nbsp;I, for example, am part of a generation that built the famous ball-bearing carts (I do not know how to explain this to today’s generation – let’s say they were metal balls held between two iron arcs) and we would roll down the hilly streets of Botafogo using our shoes as brakes, falling, hurting ourselves, but ever so proud of our high-speed adventure.
    & nbsp;The text goes on:
    & nbsp;“There were no cellular phones, our parents had no way of knowing where we were: how could that be possible? Children were never right, they were always being punished, but even so they did not have psychological problems of rejection or lack of love. At school there were good students and bad students: the good ones passed, the bad ones had to repeat the year. This was not a reason for consulting a psychotherapist – they just had to repeat the year.”
    & nbsp;And even so we survived with some scratched knees and few traumas. Not only did we survive, but we also fondly remember the time when milk was not poison, when children had to solve their problems without any help, fought when they had to, and spent a great part of the day without electronic games, inventing their own games with their friends.
    & nbsp;But let us go back to the topic of the column: I decided to try the new miraculous product that substitutes the killer milk. I did not get past the first sip. I asked my wife and our maid to try it, without explaining what it was: they both said they had never tasted anything as foul in their life.
    & nbsp;I am worried about the children of tomorrow, with their electronic games, parents with mobile phones, psychotherapists helping at each defeat and – above all – having to drink this “magic potion” that will keep them free of cholesterol, osteoporosis, 59 active hormones, and toxins.
    & nbsp;The will live with lots of health, lots of equilibrium, and when they grow up they will discover milk (by that time, perhaps it will be banned by law). Maybe in the year 2050 a scientist will endeavor to rescue something that has been consumed since time began.
    & nbsp;Or will we have to get our milk from drug dealers?


 
WLO Room part 3
09.15.05 (3:05 pm)   [edit]

End: Manuel goes to Paradise
  In the two preceding columns I analyzed Manuel’s life, how he was always busy and finding that work – whatever the work may be – gives life a meaning, but never wondering what that meaning might be.
    & nbsp;Later on Manuel retires. For a while he enjoys the freedom of not having to wake up at a certain time and being able to use his time to do whatever he pleases. But soon he falls into depression: he feels useless, far removed from the society he has helped to build, abandoned by his now grown-up children, unable to understand the meaning of life – since he never bothered to ask himself the famous question: “What am I doing here?”
    & nbsp;Well, one day our dear, honest, dedicated Manuel ends up dying – as will happen to all the Manuels, Paulos, Marias and Monicas in this life. And here I resort to the words of Henry Drummond, whose brilliant book “The Supreme Gift” describes what happens from this point on:


    & nbsp;“All of us at some moment have asked the same question as every other generation: “What is the most important thing in our existence?”
    & nbsp;We want to use our days in the best possible way, for nobody else can live our lives for us. So we need to know where we should direct our efforts, what is the supreme objective to be met.
    & nbsp;We are used to hearing that the most important treasure in spiritual life is faith. Many centuries of religion rest on this simple word. Do we hold faith to be the most important thing in the world? Well, we are quite wrong.
    & nbsp;In his epistle to the Corinthians, chapter XIII, Saint Paul takes us to the early days of Christianity. He ends by saying: “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three: but the greatest of these is charity.”
    & nbsp;This is not some superficial opinion of the author of these words, Saint Paul. After all, talking about Faith a moment before, in the same letter, he said: “And though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.” Paul did not avoid the question; on the contrary, he compared faith and charity and concluded: “(...) the greatest of these is charity.”


    & nbsp;Matthew offers us a classic description of the Day of Final Reckoning: the Son of God sits on a throne and like a shepherd separates the goats from the sheep.
    & nbsp;At that moment the great question for human beings will not be: “How did I live?” but rather: “How did I love?”
    & nbsp;The final test of all quests for salvation will be Love. No account will be taken of what we did, what we believed in, what we achieved. None of this will be asked of us. What we will be asked is how we loved our neighbor. The mistakes we have made will not even be remembered. We will be judged for the good we have failed to do. Because keeping Love locked up within ourselves is to go against the spirit of God, it proves that we never knew Him, that He loved us in vain, and that His Son died to no avail.”


    & nbsp;In this case, our Manuel is saved at the moment of his death, because although he never gave any meaning to his life, he was capable of loving, providing for his family, and doing what he did with dignity. However, although it is a happy ending, the rest of his days on earth were very complicated.
    & nbsp;Repeating a phrase I heard from Shimon Peres at the World Forum in Davos: “optimist and pessimist both end up dying. But they each use their lives in a completely different manner.”

 
WLO Room part 2
09.15.05 (3:03 pm)   [edit]

Second chapter: Manuel is a free man
    & nbsp;Manuel has worked for 30 years non-stop, gives his children an education, sets a good example, devotes his entire time to work, and never wonders: “Is there any meaning to what I am doing?” His sole concern is to know that the busier he is, the more important he will be in the eyes of society.
    & nbsp;His children grow up and leave home, he is promoted at work, then one day he is given a watch or a pen in recognition of all those years of dedication, the friends shed a tear or two, and the long-expected moment arrives: he is retired, free to do whatever he likes!
    & nbsp;The first few months, every now and again he pays a visit to the office where he worked, chats with the old friends, and relishes the pleasure of doing what he has always dreamed of: sleeping late. He goes for walks on the beach or in town, then there is the house in the country he managed to buy with so much sweat, discovers gardening and little by little penetrates the mystery of the plants and flowers. Manuel has time, all the time in the world. He travels, using part of the money he has managed to put aside. He visits museums, in the space of two hours learns what painters and sculptors from different eras took centuries to develop, but at least he has the feeling that he is improving his culture. He takes hundreds, thousands of pictures and sends them to friends – after all, they have to know how happy he is!
    & nbsp;Some more months go by. Manuel learns that gardens do not follow exactly the same rules as men – what he has planted is going to take a while to grow, and it is use trying to see if the rosebush has buds yet. In a moment of sincere reflection he discovers that all that he has seen on his travels was a landscape outside the window of a tourist bus, monuments that are now stored away on 6x9 photos, but the truth is that he felt no special emotion – he was more concerned about telling his friends than he was in living the magic experience of finding himself in a foreign country.
    & nbsp;He still watches all the newsreels on television, reads more newspapers (because he has more time), considers himself to be a very well-informed person, capable of discussing things that he did not the time before to study.
    & nbsp;He looks for someone to share his opinions – but they are all immersed in the river of life, working, doing something, envying Manuel his freedom and at the same time happy to be useful to society, to be “busy” at something important.
    & nbsp;Manuel seeks for comfort in his children. They always treat him with great affection – he has been an excellent father, an example of honesty and dedication – but they too have other worries, although they consider Sunday lunch a duty.
    & nbsp;Manuel is a free man, enjoys a reasonable financial situation, is well-informed, has an impeccable past, but what now? What to do with all this freedom, won with such hardship? Everyone greets him, everyone praises him, but no-one has any time for him. Little by little Manuel begins to feel sad and useless – despite all the years he has spent serving the world and his family.
    & nbsp;One night an angel appears in his dream: “What have you done with your life? Did you try to live it according to your dreams?”
    & nbsp;Manuel wakes up in a cold sweat. What dreams? This was his dream: to have a diploma, to get married, to have children, to give them an education, to retire, to travel. Why was the angel bothering him with all these senseless questions?
    & nbsp;Another long day begins: the newspapers, the news on the TV, the garden and lunch. Sleep a little, do whatever you feel like doing and at that very moment discover that you do not feel like doing anything. Manuel is a free and sad man, one step away from depression, because he was always too busy to think about the meaning of life, while the years flowed by under the bridge. He remembers the lines of a poem: “he passed through life/but did not live.”
But it is too late to accept that, so better change the subject. Freedom, conquered with so much struggling, is just exile in disguise.

 
WLO Room part 1
09.15.05 (2:59 pm)   [edit]

Manuel is an important and necessary man
    & nbsp;Manuel needs to be busy. Otherwise he feels that life has no meaning, that he is wasting his time, that society has no need for him, nobody loves him, nobody wants him.
    & nbsp;So as soon as he wakes up e has a whole set of tasks to do: watch the news on the television (something may have happened during the night), read the newspaper (something may have happened yesterday), ask his wife not to let the children be late for school, get the car, a taxi, a bus, the subway, but always concentrated, looking into the vacuum, consulting his watch, if possible making a few calls on his cell phone – and making sure that everyone sees that he is an important man, a man useful to the world.
    & nbsp;Manuel arrives at work and starts to pore over the pile of paper that awaits him. If he is an employee, he does everything possible for the boss to notice that he arrived on time. If he is the boss, he sets them all to work right away; if there are no important tasks to do, Manuel will see to developing some, creating some, implementing a new plan, establishing new lines of action.
    & nbsp;Manuel goes to lunch – but never alone. If he is the boss, he sits down with his friends, discusses new strategies, speaks badly of the competitors, always keeps a card hidden up his sleeve, complains (with a touch of pride) about being overworked. If Manuel is an employee, he also sits down with his friends, complains about the boss, says he is working a lot of overtime, claims in despair (and with a touch of pride) that so much at the firm depends on him.
    & nbsp;Manuel – boss or employee – works the whole afternoon. From time to time he looks at his watch, it's time to go home but he still has a detail to solve here, a document to sign there. He is an honest man; he wants to justify his salary, what others expect of him, the dreams of his parents who went to such great pains to give him the necessary education.
    & nbsp;Finally he returns home. He takes a shower, gets into some comfortable clothes and sits down to have dinner with his family. He asks the children about school, his wife how she spent the day. Now and again he talks about his work, just to serve as an example – because he does not like to bring worries home. Dinner over, the children – who are not the least bit interested in examples, duties or any such things – immediately leave the table and go to sit in front of the computer. Manuel too goes to sit down in front of that old apparatus from his childhood called the television. Again he watches the news (something may have happened in the afternoon).
    & nbsp;He always goes to bed with some technical book on the bedside table – whether boss or employee, he knows that the competition is great and that if you do not keep up, you run the risk of losing your job and then have to face the worst of all curses: unemployment.
    & nbsp;He talks to his wife for a while – after all, he is a gentle, hardworking and loving man who cares for his family and is ready to defend it in any circumstances. Sleep comes soon and Manuel falls asleep knowing that the next day he will be very busy, so he needs to recoup his energies.
    & nbsp;That night Manuel has a dream. An angel asks him: “Who do you do this?” He replies that he is a responsible man.
    & nbsp;The angel then asks: “Would you be able to stop just for fifteen minutes during the day and look at the world, at yourself, and just do nothing?” Manuel says that he would love to, but he does not have the time for that. “You’re trying to fool me,” says the angel. “Everybody has the time for that, what they lack is courage. Work is a blessing when it helps us to think about what we are doing. But is becomes a curse when its only use is to prevent us from thinking about what our life means.”
    & nbsp;Manuel wakes up in the middle of the night, covered in a cold sweat. Courage? How can a man who sacrifices himself for his family not have the courage to stop for fifteen minutes?
    & nbsp;Best to go back to sleep, it’s only a dream, such questions lead nowhere, and tomorrow is going to be a very busy day.

 
Tuesday Room
09.13.05 (3:29 pm)   [edit]

Feel a bit more lightweight...done programming, done technical communication presentation today...yeaaaaaaa! oh, i have digital lab test next week...doh!


I was shocked by how that fella warmed-up himself. He went to a secluded place and then this flesh slamming sound could be heard...he wasnt banging his head on the wall...he actually slapping himself cheek to cheek and I guess with some power too...oh my! and then he liked to pull his earlobes down with his hands...then set...all warmed up!


I saw clowns today for some function at school...2 clowns, making balloons for students..hahah..i should have get some from them.


had pizzas today after presentation with the whole gang....might going for running today...let's see

 
Dumb Room
09.13.05 (3:06 pm)   [edit]

I must be dumb..but that was the feeling that I got at first "Fear/Afraid"...after that incident..I was a bit afraid to come out from my room and also go out from the house. Yes, was dumb to have this feelings...but these were what I received from my neurons or motors or whatever. But I went stepped out from my room..."hey, there is nothing to be afraid of" and I eventually feel like the queen of malaysia... :lol: :lol: hahahaha. Well, somehow you can learnt it and see it about this feelings that I got from different perspective, analyze about it later and thought...yea, some other people might have been thru this kind of feelings before...and because of afraid to go out from the house and get stuck outside again...yes, I was damn hungry...because I was planning to go out to buy foods and after the incident..I was dumbstruck, hungry strucked and only ate something which I can find in my room..still not enough for me...somehow feeling hungry the whole night but I slept so well...

 
Im doomed!
09.12.05 (8:02 pm)   [edit]
I am so doomed...the next thing i know, i might get kick out from the house forever. some people will never forget because of just a small incident..i dont know. some people really matter about apologizing...i dont know. Now, I even like to just maintained that I dont know how to speak chinese and even understand.....some people talk about you in front of you, loudly, at the back or whatever...i actually can understand.
 
Steaming room
09.12.05 (1:04 pm)   [edit]

I woke up in the morning with body feeling hot, had that since last night after midnight. With that had to go to school to submit assignment and so sweat started to pour with the weather, not so steaming anymore. Came back home, feeling weird...I did not really feel hungry though but still eat and it was tasteless...and so already submitted the ever mental tocturing assignment...I felt more light.


Yesterday and the day before, spent most of the time coding but yesterday nothing much to code, no inspiration and listen one and only entire mp3 cd the whole day and hey all worked with my ears especially when the day was getting darker and late.


For the first time listened to Ultra Bra...hey, it was cool and also listened to yup, yo and whatever...


chillout and blasting songs and sing-a-long da di da dum da di du

 
boring room
09.10.05 (3:29 pm)   [edit]

I woke up this afternoon and immediately felt boring as I have already known that most of my friends were not here for the weekend. I was thinking to go too but all these works halted me again. wasnt really care if my housemates were here or not...everyone went back home including him :(

 
Tension Room
09.09.05 (6:34 pm)   [edit]

tension creeped up...3 questions on error syntax/logic detections...I couldnt get any of them solved. I was happy at the beginner thought I got the correct output but still not correct. So, tried next questions and next questions....still couldnt get.


The guy who was sitting in front of me had solved question 1 and 2 eventhough that guy rarely came for the lab session. He also helped his friend beside him and he got too, I was peeping from behind but I didnt get any. So, sitting there and thinking that I wont be getting any marks at all.


15 minutes before end, finally I got to write a complete program on function overloading...wooahah! and it had made me happy, my aim to get answered at least one question....so the total marks I got for c++ programming lab test : 2/10....hahahaha! :D

 
Running Room
09.08.05 (10:52 pm)   [edit]

ok, so she wanted to jog with me since that day she also thought that i was joking that I was going for a run. ok, so I messaged her that would be going for run at 8.30pm.


Well, there was something I hate...when I arrived to her house, she would always tell me that there is some other plan...damn, she should tell me earlier and she might thinking that it isnt nice to decline or she couldnt show up for the run...it is ok...I can be on my own too. I have no problem with that.


Instead, I became a trolley pusher for some reasons. It was ok, I like to push trolley...haha. I didnt know that she was shopping for grocery for her own birhtday party. I only got to know about 4 hours later.


earlier that evening...when someone starts to suggest another option.."we can run somewhere here.." that indicated something...a negative sign.


so, after the grocery shopping, came back to her place again...I know it was already 10.30pm and she asked me..."are you tired? do you still want to run? if you are tired...you can go back and rest.." oh man! I had planned want to run, sure I would want to make it happen...I felt she was tired and she ensured me that...she still could go for fun, anytime. Ok, fine, went for a run. I dont know, I left her behind after first 50m and I couldnt find her, the place was quite dark too. After that, right after I ended the run, she said..."come, lets go back now"..."hey, i need to cool down first" She was eager to make a move as she always do.


later, she advised me to marry a richman, it is good, I can have luxury life, can enjoy all the good things, can travel anytime, doesnt matter how ugly the guy, fat, old or whatever as long as he is rich...no, I kept telling no, I dont want...I want a poor guy. "Why? you can luxury life"...no, i dont want...i want a poor guy.


Well, she is gonna kill me because I always make fun of her infront of her boyfriend. She feels shame about it

 
Patience Room
09.07.05 (6:44 pm)   [edit]

I think the weary head that I had might caused by tension and stresses that cant be seen on the surface.


5 minutes later, it started to rain and I was amazed when it just started to rain a bit, the seller started to pack their stuffs...must see how they keep all the stuffs..woo, fast hands!


But hey, I got to wet in the rain. :D zzzzzzzzz


maybe I can start to build JK Flip Flops...can start to build my christmas lights..I like the blinking lights....ZZzzzzzzzzz

 
Suspicious room
09.06.05 (2:36 pm)   [edit]

30 mintues later...went out to bakery shop and when I was walking, passed by a basketball court and at the corner of the court...there was a sitting place surrounded by trees and plant, not sure whether it was build my the house owner opposite the court. so, when I was walking, I heard a man's voice and immediately turned my head to the direction and saw a man sitting at there, looked a bit drunk or something, maybe he was talking to someone but that didnt look like to me. Well, when I first immediately spotted him, I got a bit panic as the man looked like the man behind the trees, maybe it was him as what I can remember...I saw that man behind the trees with the same attire he was wearing at that time.


I peeped from far, to see what he was doing. Man behind the trees has a motorbike...I didnt see any motorbike near him but there was one bike which was a bit distance, at another end of the court, the bike might be belongs to the gardener of the nursery home(also near next to the court).....not sure but surely that implied some fear in me.

 
dummies room 2
09.06.05 (1:47 pm)   [edit]

oh yea...and people starts to analyze...because you are being dumb, the dumber thats why you are doing this. because you are just behaving a bit low sense thats why you are doing this. because you cant think straight thats why you are doing this. because you are out of control thats why you are doing this. because you think you are a smart ass thats why you are doing this. because you think you are so good thats why you are doing this. because you are not satisfied thats why you are doing this. because you see other people suffers thats why you are doing this. because you are trying to prevent it thats why you are doing this. At the end....IM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING! NO HARMING OTHER PEOPLE...PEACE

 
Dummies Room
09.06.05 (1:40 pm)   [edit]
I have a develop a bit hatred of going to school. It is a bit waste for feeling hate and thinking about doing some bad things to my programming lecturer...I know, if anyone ever read this and know something about it and im going to be expelled, go ahead! and my sister would start to.."dont write this, dont write that..you know how dangerous it is to keep a blog...so dangerous, so risky...can be expelled, can be sacked, so better than do anything online.." I dont care...if someone would discover it. Im going to right something in the section for evaluation for lecturer. and someone obviously would think that I shouldnt be telling this here...yes, how dumb I am that im telling the whole world what im going to do and how dumb I am that I have this kind of silly thinking...he/she doesnt do any harm on you. So, why am I doing this? because Im DUMB!
 
Astral travel room
09.06.05 (8:52 am)   [edit]

Ok, I have this thing again like yesterday...


I slept nicely but woke up a few times in between and checked the time, thought I might be late for 8am class. The last time I checked the time was 7.10am and thought I could sleep a bit more and woke up abruptly at 7.50am....


I got a dream...that it was raining, yea...I hope for rain because It has been hot for days....and I was packing my clothes going off somewhere, my dad kept pushing me hurry up.."you're gonna be late"..LATE! thats the main keyword.


yesterday my friend told me that he dreamt about me scolding him because for not going to class....and today I got the dream where my other friend was telling another friend about that she got scolding for not going to class...and it was the programming class...thus, I abruptly woke up and it was already 7.50am and late for my programming class.


It was raining heavily in the middle of the class.

 
Weary room
09.05.05 (5:08 pm)   [edit]

hot day...I dont know the heat caused me weary head or the sleeping process. It is terribly in pain when im not moving...im ok when im walking or in object that is moving....pretty much wants me to fall asleep again and again.


i think i dont have much strength to walkout to buy foods....


30 minutes later...


yes, i decided to go out to night market...yea, wasnt pain when walking...weird and stopped by, listened for a while from a house, someone was practising mozart sonata...hahah...it made me smile

 
thinking room
09.04.05 (11:05 am)   [edit]

I started to have this comments like any other reality shows that have judging...it is boring, it is sucks, horrible, terrible, no connection, totally out and etc etc


I just have this feeling today. Im in some thinking mode and most probably Im in a stress, tension room but for now im able to control all that from bursting badly and that would give a horrible impacts on me and others.


Im a boring person...someone just asked me to go and have some fun. Yes, I want but I choose not...im ok being boring and thinking twice about that invitation because it is stilll good to do the detachment program so that I wont come back and feeling guilty and awful about myself....sometimes i just dont know how to have fun,...maybe definition of fun and doings are different from others..like my dad's thought...he or people just dont know.


I dont know...i feel im missing something, missing a keynote perhaps. that what is it..you have feelings, emotions..that keeps you in touch of something and thats what makes you start to think why are you feeling like that? Why is this feeling overshadow you at the moment? to have feelings and emotions is for you to learn, I think...about others about yourself but if stucks too much with it....it is a waste of time.


Imagine that you are senseless, no feeling, no emotion....I couldnt imagine that. You might think it is in a war zone...no feeling and stuff ...just kill or they have to do what they have to do...but it is a state of mind that have to do what they have to do...but overall there are involvment...im sound crazy...yea it is true. if it doesnt sound right..ya, maybe


it hits me back when started to think and be in this mode...but pointless to think much, start moving...i dont know what i have moved in these past few months. well, maybe there are a few...

 
Jazz Room
09.03.05 (1:48 pm)   [edit]

Ok, this is that kind of jazz that I like, soothing and ambient putting you in an imaginary mode that you are somewhere living in beach, sitting at the big balcony, looking out the sea with neon lights, food and drinks and sea breeze...woo, nice, tranquility and calm.

 
Saturday room
09.03.05 (1:31 pm)   [edit]

It looked like going to rain in the morning, dark clouds but now it has gone and it looks like im home alone again and will be long and sleepy. I realised that the more you think of something, trying to figure a solution or understand, the more it get clearer that it has many other aspects can be questioned. The more you think, the more confuse you get.


what I observed today that KFC is much more prefer by kids or maybe family that has small childrens and toddler compares to McDonalds. Mcdonalds workers in kuantan way sucks, they work like a snail. A customer spends at the counter more than 10 minutes...thats bad...haha


have a nice weekend ! :D

 
Ice Lemon Tea Room
09.02.05 (3:23 pm)   [edit]

i think the weather is hot....ice lemon tea 1 please, nap wasnt good and my idiotic group member keeps pushing about the project task. Yes, I wanted to do it since that day until now, I have done a little bit and he has been mentally tocturing me everyday, giving me reminder...ahhhhh...so much pressure. I complaint it to my group leader and she said..."Look! who is bossy now?"...hahaha. I couldnt get it done because I dont know how to write, not really up for this thing.


Well, I have already done it....so dont disturb me anymore...ahhh....want some relaxation now....Ice Lemon Tea here I come :D

 
Solitary Room
09.01.05 (6:51 pm)   [edit]
All of sudden then I realised I was home alone which prone to boredom. This is a different kind of boredom. I guess it was more a profound boredom not that kind of "dont want to do anything and dont know what to do". I intended to go for a run but decided to stay in and enjoyed the solitary that I was having at the moment. Feeling hot, sweating and sleep. well, all of this got me started to do some works such as sweep and mop the floor...:lol: and stuffs and also realised me that I need to get back on with my astral travelling. so start to read something related to it....or spiritual stuffs....hahahaha
 
Arabic Room
09.01.05 (5:49 pm)   [edit]

ok, again trying hard to understand what was he talking about and never thought that he is the one who really really concern about the upcoming final exams as any activities prior near to the finals, he wants it to be done early and better it doesnt exist at all. Looked pretty much tension when a small task that could get done within 15 minutes much fuss about it. But anyway, best wishes to him for finals.


A cafe or restaurant with over loud music is a no no...definitely wrong...It is pretty hard to hear the other person talking and vice versa but they dont think it is loud...weird. When a person asks me question and I take a long time to answer, I guess it means a negative answer.


on the way back....saw that stranger behind the trees again. I guess he loves thursday or sometimes Wednesday. If I was not mistaken, last week, when I walked to school for skating, instantly got the feeling about this stranger that it was him, sitting at the park opposite off-campus hostel where he can look more nearer and clearer.


why is the oxygen absorber inside food package feels hot when it is out from the package?