When I decided to change the way I feel and think, It has been good. It really works for me. As I dont feel much anxious on schoolwork as well. Although might fall again but I have tried my best and could get it out more faster than usual.

I guess I have been sleeping quite much, at least more early and more hours. It might have caused me some neck and shoulder jam. Or maybe when he is away, my neck and shoulder always get jam....hahaha. Well, might be true. hmmm?

One of my email written ..."2006 comes to an end. What have you been doing?" It caught me thinking. January was like yesterday. I was struggling at then. We are in December. By next year, it is going to be the new year and January starts again. There will be no any dramatic transition. The year, the time is a scale, a timeline for us to move on, be wiser, to see how much we have been progressing and so on.

Slow snail pace of internet access today due to the earthquakes in Taiwan that disrupted the communication cables around east asian countries.

I feel proud. This is a different feeling.

I have had deep sleep since Christmas Day. Napping yesterday brought me to a dream which I cant remember them well but something. I was exploring a new place, an unknown place or maybe repeating dream that I have been there before. But still it looked new to me. Maybe I was going to meet my relatives there. Along the way, there was a music band performing at the stage. It was a newly-built place which some part had not yet completed. I peeped thru the window-sill. Inside it was some big hall with nice architecture and cravings around the walls. Looked like a church but not, maybe a spiritual place.

I met 3 of my godmother's grandchildren and we went for a walk. I was walking with a girl. She was under my sight. And the other 2, big brother was walking with invisible mode and his younger brother who was still a toddler, walked nakedly. For real, they were not even real or matched with the real description of their real person features. I was a bit afraid with the big brother as he was on invisible mode that some car might ram into him without realizing it. Then, something happened and I started to run, getting out from that place. Passing by the music band again and towards the main entrance. A few guys were chasing me. Before passing thru the main entrance, I stopped and irimi nage those guys and when they were down, I continued to run and jump over a big river but eventually I didnt manage to get thru the other side and thats where I woke up.

At night, I didnt know what makes me wanted to read that 'Tantra' book. There are some nice pics. I feel calm reading it but not for long before I slept off. And I dreamt again. It felt like I was at the same place again. maybe not. I had a feeling that he was here or nearby. I thought he has come back. When I was a bit alert then I realized that I was dreaming but the feeling was strong and strange. Soon after that, I fell back to sleep. I was at some place, maybe India not sure. But I was with some Indian family. Their daughter is dying, something happened. Everyone was sad but eventually started to have some kind of funeral ceremony even though she was about dying but not yet. I saw coffin, flowers and etc. One doctor arrived and was checking on that girl. Ok, so a bit disgusting that the doctor performed operation in front of me and maybe a bit weird way. He cut her throat for some breathing or whatsoever. Most likely I felt as if I was there on the scene to watch it but I was invisible. They cant see me.

Thats all I can remember.

This year Christmas celebrated with my family, relative and my man.

On Christmas Eve Eve, I was so bored. I felt like going out for walking or just being out after dinner. I was even asking if they would be supper...haha. In the afternoon, we went for some car-cruising to Pantai Kundur and area. I was quite tired after that, thats because we went to sleep last night at 5am, after playing LFS again.

On Christmas Eve, we went for shopping. It was nice that me, him and my bro were hanging at Starbucks for Coffee while the women were doing some serious shopping. I was actually assigned to look for Christmas's stockings but nowhere could be found. So, we just had our sweet time for coffee. Wonderful! After coffee, we crossed over to Dataran Pahlawan since my bro has not been there before. Saw one santarina's suit for children and both of them said the size fits well for me....hahaha, what duh! So it was mainly about shopping even after lunch.

At night, we went to Portugese Settlement. What happened when we put my dad and aunt susan in the same car? Havoc! haha. She was driving so mad that we have another car following behind, Unlce John's car. They said "the car in front is crazy".....wahahaha!

Even my dad isnt driving, he still would prefer enjoy cruising around, driving slowly and enjoy the lightings at the town. However for my aunt, she just wanted to reach the destination immediately...no time for squeezing in the jam or looking at some lightings at some churches. What did the people said from the behind car? The front car has one mad driver, one tour guide and one tourist...so figure it out!

I have been to Portugese Settlement twice in my life, including this time it would be the third time. For real the last time I visited that place was like few years back. And this time, it was not my favour after some stretch of walk. I was getting tired and bored. Somehow I think it was kind of disrespectful for the families there. I guess they dont have any quiet Christmas family dinner for years. People looking at them from outside their gate with cameras. They are just humans like you and me and him and her. Whats so different about it? Would you prefer to have some family dinner with the gate shut tightly or the gate opens? 

The place was so heavenly packed with youngsters, coming in for some street open-air party. I couldnt even hear Christmas songs anywhere, or maybe a bit. Imagine if a big group of people crowd in the center and everyone is singing Christmas songs, then I can say this is something. Or maybe if there is a bunch of corals singers, then it would be great too. For  this year, it opened my tired mind  that this place shouldnt be open to public for Christmas Party. Well maybe can, maybe they could organize something more spiritual instead.

Lastly Christmas Day with beers and maggie mee at home......hahaha

I have never seen so much of rain in Melaka.

I have never seen so grey and cloudy for a long period of time in Melaka.

I have never seen it rains more than 24 hours non-stop in here.

There is no any sight of sun. Although once it was cloudy and rainy for a week but still could see the sun.

I have been down with sore throat, cough and flu.

I dont feel like going out at all since yesterday I got so much of wetness.

Caught a cold on Thursday night. By Friday noon, I felt as if I have some temperature. Pretty much true as the time went by. My bones were aching, easily got cold with the wind outside, head was heavy and I suffered some piles (haemorraid) err...didnt know the spelling well. With that, I have trouble sitting, walking and standing. What was more? At night, walked to Jusco with the piles at my asshole. I was almost giving up that I could whine and hate the whole trip of why I wanted to go Jusco. But eventually I liked the outing.

Back home, I was laying on my stomach. Relax? a bit but not really. That thing really hurts. Towards midnight, my temperature raised more and more. By 3am, I was up again. Feeling so much uncomfortable and my body was extremely hot.---- swallowed a pill of panadol and slept off.

He has been back for a week. I enjoyed being around with him again. Although we could be even more better, like he always said . Err Tblog emoticons definitely looks weird. Eventually in the morning I was typing this entry when I accidentally shut this page.

I enjoy doing sightseeing, walking-sightseeing, in the car and practically nice to have train-sightseeing. I am not a big fan of collecting antique trains and knowing the oldest route or train name but surely I enjoy riding the train. Sometimes the weather is a bit unbearable for sightseeing. But if you are a person who does not worry about getting tan, then it would be fine. Swimming at noon, somehow I think it is a bad idea but still I need to swim in any hour to see which timing is the best. I have never swim in the pool as early as 8am. But I am sure that would be so good, refreshing and inspiring. Oh, he mentioned the word Inspiring. I think I used that once when I talked to him about shopping. Shopping or window shopping is like walking in the forest....hehe. Bowl has got even better. That Super Bowl has more players or customers than the other place. Uncomfortable? Nope. But I had some technical failure at one point. Ball slipped out from my fingers and I was going forward. Yea, was sliding about 30 or 50 cm towards the lane....wahahahaha.

Stress? I think I must have over-emotioned about that. I still have time. I can start this week to be more hardworking. You know, could be even better....wahahaha. So, just dropped it, smile and enjoy the flow. No sleep? It is ok. At the end, there will be a reward...haha.

Everything could be even more better because there is no perfection. because you dont know when, what or how it looks like to be perfection. The matter is consistency. But someday you will fall too or a bit bad with it and you say.."I have been more better last week but could be even more better"

I have a stressful life. I try to keep it calm and what has gotten effected, lack of sleeping. Yea, I am still looking for a peaceful sleep. I dont know, time runs quickly? or earth has moved quickly? or Are we into some chasing-tail phenomenon? I would like to see more the beauty of life, our beautiful world. Some different state, different places, different people&nbs p;Texts, Notes cant get us moving much.

I feel that I can do it. But still I am worried if I cant. Imagine my dad would be sitting at his rocking chair and laugh at me, saying that serve you right! I bet that you wont get thru this semester. Maybe Im only paranoid thinking of that. But hell yea, if he might be thinking like that. Seriously, I cant fall for this. I cant lose. Tough! And I have not seen my family for a while. I cant go back because I have submissions and midterms at early week and to plan what we should do for xmas....with family or no?

I got alot of marks, alot of 'missing' marks.....wahhahaahha

Yesterday in history. Understanding how my brain works.

-contains many buffers, piles piles of them...no matter it dated back to 1997 or 2000 or an extensively library...wahahaha. each buffer stores any issues that is not right(insult, hurt and etc).

-keep them safe in a stack.

-it doesnt get trigger if dont get provoke much.

-when it gets provoke. start do searching in the stack or lookup table.

-match the present scenario with the right memory location in the buffer. load them and execute it.

-start attacking/firing.

We took a motorbike for rent and went to Kuah Town. We visited Dataran Lang, the big eagle statue, the symbol of this Island. It is weird that why people have to take pic with any icon or symbol. Well, I did too...hehe.

either

a) you can stand there and mesmerize for 5-10 minutes

b) looking for excellent spot and spend time to take the best pic of the symbol

c) just sit there, near the symbol and feel the importance...hehe

We planned to go for night swim. Rain started to drizzle. The Rain started to catch up as we sheltered ourselves under a hut. Saved our beers from the rain as well. Second  time alcohol in my hand, I took more big sips and I enjoyed it. If you didnt take it from me, I would continue to sip...hehe. I had a new goal for it. Still raining with light thunders. My bladder getting full and my stomach getting bloated, couldnt accept more beer. But I finished the few last bites. For real, this was the first time, I could feel that I was drunk but not to the extent. The lights from the restaurant about some meters away looked beautiful to me. My head felt heavy and I was tired. I stood up to see if I could walk. I could but certainly wobbly...hehe. I couldnt bear the full bladder.

him : I have digs some hole for you to pee

me : here?

I almost wanted to do that. You know when in that state...could do anything. But then, someone arrived. Plan aborted and I was holding it long enough before i braced myself running to the sea for some release. I was a bit afraid to go to the sea because it was night with thunders and so on. But since I was in that state, I was a bit careless that I gave a shot. So I did released it a few times :D Sorry to say that I polluted the sea water....hahaha.

I could have dugged myself into the water and go deep but I was a bit unsure. I was afraid the smallest thing. What if I would step something underneath the water? So, just sat near the shore, looking out the sea. I was getting more anxious. The lightning really hurt my eyes after some time. Sea looked so huge and powerful at night and I was in that state. With all combination, I felt a bit panic for all this new things. A celebration at the end.

Pantai Cenang (sometimes spelled Chenang) offers two kilometres of fine powdery sand fringed by coconut trees and casuarinas. A combination of relaxing beach ambiance and modern comforts, the beach is lined with a number of resorts, luxury class hotels, chalets and restaurants.

Popular during the peak tourist season, it makes a good base for "island hopping" to the nearby islands like Pulau Rebak. Located at the south-western tip of Langkawi, about 18 kilometres from Kuah.

Sunset at Pantai Cenang. A popular beach where jet-ski still running even dark. Dangerous! haha. An Island with a big influence of Bob Marley, Reggae stylo. There is some free bus shuttle service for pick-up goers to some reggae bar.

As it got even more darker.