I started to feel sad after the next day. Everyone said that it is normal to feel sad, just go along with it. Some saying about it - it is ok to cry when feel sad. It is a self-expression. My dad volunteered to send me back here straight from the airport just because he knew that I am gonna feel sad and most probably cry but I didnt. He said - take good rest before start doing things again. Thanks! They are concern about you maybe only concern more if I would be so broken again. But I can say that I am still quite intact. Just need some time to recover. It is time to HEAL again.

I hate that you left more mess in here than before - stains, smell and stuffs. Please dont get things done on last minute anymore and have more self-disipline. Screws are everywhere around as well as clams. I just feel that I could not go to school at all this week. I need some time to place my many thoughts,  to regain my strength and to be one again.

I was looking at your "pikku ili" which you didnt finish translate all to me. There are some drawings in there. Reading back old logs, dated 2005. So young, innocent, blossom and sweet but nothing compares to the real life situation when everything went stray.

I have not been using pc so much and even chatting. Im losing in touch with that. It is raining lightly here. What does that mean? :D Anyway, I have decided that I am going to abandon this blog within 10 days time.

I havent been here for a long time since I last updated. Celebrated Chinese New Year last week with my family, relatives and him. A great week. But I was a bit disappointed that I couldnt wrap-up the last visiting - my godmother and family on the same week. As I wanted him to meet her. He was prepared and interested about it. I came back just because of that but didnt happen and so did on his last day.

School has reopened for a month and till these days, everything seemed to be blur and maybe still feel like holiday. I havent prepare anything for it and it might be the cause that I missed the first week of school.

And today, I have sent him back home. At the beginning when I told everyone that he is going to be here for 4.5 months, they think "wah, so long!!!" When the time is running out, they think "wah, so fast!!!" Sad? Well, cant deny it but I am quite fine here although my mind is total blank or clouded. Feel like crying but I cant cry. And yet some weeping. Im tired. Im exhausted. It is like all the struggling has come to an end. It feels so close that I could blame myself or regretting something for what I havent done but I tried to stay clear from that. He left so much mess in here that I have to clean them all up by myself and again MESS! I didnt know where to start or how to clean . I have been living in mess for a long time now that I am so used to it already and I can imagine how he lives there, total mess. Most likely no cleaning until Christmas, hahaha! I cant critize much about him and not allow to do that. But I would like to if that is all my opinions. Anyway, Im not going for condemination. Things changed. There's new things, new improvement, some involvement and etc.

...to be continued

Tuesday - 23 Jan 2007 - After recovered from my flu, I was exciting about going for the trip to Thailand and I knew that this might be the last great trip that I am going to have with him. We departed from Melaka at 9.30pm to the northern state of Perlis, a place called Kangar. I liked to see the place names from the signboard along the highway, something that I seldom seen them such as Arau, Jitra, Sg Nibong, Butterworth and etc We arrived there at 6am. I was tired and eventually thought that Padang Besar might be only 4KM from Kangar. Maybe we could have walk there but instead we took a taxi. It was a good choice because it was 30KM from Kangar actually, haha! Arrived at the very north of Malaysia, started to see something in Thai language - the signboard and the taxi driver who was a Thai, trying to get us for his business - 700 Baht from Padang Besar to Hatyai? I think that was too much and we didnt have any Baht currency at that time...muahahahaha!

We left Malaysia at 8am and arrived at Thai Immigration, looking at the clock...it was 7.15am. Just a stroll of few KMs from Msia border to there and we were one hour behind Malaysia. Slowly, we just couldnt read anything, all those weird characters didnt find them any familiarity to match or even to guess...haha! Still, this place was called Padang Besa without 'r', haha! A very small town and I couldnt see anyone who could help us and even speak english or even no sight of any white tourist other than him, wahahaha! We just sat at a bus stop and looked.

From this small town of very southern Thailand, I can see that most of the them ride motorbikes and have Izusu Truck. Most of the girls know how to ride motorbike and they have no helmet. Somehow I think this country has more females than males and when a western tourist or anyone comes to this country. First thinking - SEX, as they might look at the girls, thinking that most of them might be good in it or whatsoever. Dont worry if you girls have lover who start to feel more lovey-dovey to you for sudden. Thats because the effect of the girls around. They might get erection by that and they start to love you more because they might see that most girls are beautiful creature, so they might start to be appreaciated to their lover.

to be continued...